Letters - 11 October 2024

Death and dying

Penny Lilley (4 October) spoke to me very strongly. The way that someone grieves the loss of a loved one is very individual. 

When I lost my mother last year it was, and continues to be, an overwhelming experience. I had a similar reaction to words like ‘died’ and ‘death’, though I hadn’t expected to. As her only close relative, I had to inform the rest of the family and all her friends. I handled her funeral and estate, and then at every medical appointment I had to break the news over and over, to the doctors, nurses and dentist who had known me primarily as my mother’s carer up to that point.

Euphemisms aren’t a denial of the reality of someone’s death, but when someone is trying to cope with the rawness of grief, every day is already a huge challenge. If using euphemisms helps that person to navigate the world while coming to terms with their loss, I struggle to see why it is problematic. It might enable the grieving person to get through a conversation without breaking down in public.

As part of my role here at the Friend, I handle the death notices. I see my responsibility to be upholding families as they place a notice, ensuring the gentle discipline of our house style is applied so that notices are informative but not obituaries. Telling grieving relatives what words to use in terms of death, passing, loss, etc, about their loved one doesn’t feel gentle.

Elinor Smallman (writing in a personal capacity)

Long-term solutions

Reading the article in the Friend of 27 September by Imi Hills I could only respond Amen, Amen and again Amen. 

I am seventy-five so at the older end but I recall the radicalism of earlier decades (and not just Quakers), recalling Trevor Huddleston, bishop of Stepney, and his book Naught For Your Comfort; and Dom Hélder Câmara, bishop of Recife, ‘when I fed the poor they called me a saint, when I asked why they had no food they called me a communist’.

So Imi, carry on your quest. You are in a line of many people of faith whose radicalism meant they offered ‘naught for the comfort’ of the power structures that formed the societies of which they were a part. Prophets have a long (if not always honoured) history in Judaeo-Christian history.

Peter Bellenes 

Radical Quakerism

I am seventy-one, and an Area Meeting clerk (though writing this in a personal capacity). So I guess I’m part of the Quaker establishment. But I read Imi Hills’ article ‘Long-term Solutions’ on 27 September with true joy. 

Imi says that we should tackle our financial and structural difficulties not by following the ways of business, but by being radical. This way, we will bring young people into our movement; people who are looking for a vehicle for tackling their concerns about war, threats to civil liberties and civic intolerance. We should not fear reputational damage; rather we should build on our reputation as a church unafraid to swim against the tide.

I agree. In South East Scotland, Area Meeting has in recent months considered ecocide, the East Africa Crude Oil Pipeline, and a challenge to the banks to withdraw support from fossil fuel investments. That is alongside our usual business of recording new members and deaths; of managing our Meeting houses and receiving our accounts. It is possible both to sustain our valued structures and to speak out about things that matter.

I’m not sure that our Quaker bodies and committees are the best place to conduct activism – we are not fleet of foot, and it can be difficult to secure full support. But we should be at a point where activism is initiated, supported and sustained; so that activists can rightly claim to be acting not just in their own right but on behalf of a movement. We have to trust.

As for modern-day heroes of faith in action, I remember David Turner, a much-loved member of Portobello & Musselburgh Meeting, who died in 2023. Well into his nineties, he would cycle through the streets, his pannier bag carrying messages, regularly updated, calling for peace, solidarity with health workers, an end to fossil fuels and many more inspiring slogans. Locals knew him as a Quaker, and still miss him.

Alastair Cameron

Child workers

In her important reflections on ‘moral complexities’ and modern slavery (27 September), Rebecca Hardy quotes experts who equate African child labour with slave labour that must be eradicated. We should make ethical choices to help end the suffering of children.

Elizabeth Coleman’s report of a meeting (20 September) says, ‘It’s a minefield’ on child labour in the DRC. ‘The problem is too complex for simple solutions.’

Congolese Quakers who support adults and children working in the mineral mines reported that children’s earnings are ‘an essential supplement to their families’ budget… Making child labour illegal has not worked well for the children.’

Millions of children, who live in families or survive on their own on the streets, must work if they are to have any food or clothes or can pay school fees. Boycotting child labour causes them further harm.

The Children and Work Network works with children, learning from them how to promote their rights, with decent pay and conditions, the end of harmful child work, and ways to combine work, school and play. 

I hope readers will look at their website (www.childrenandwork.net), which reports working children’s own views about their needs.

Alphonce Omolo’s book Violence against Children in Kenya also shows how vital it is to care for children across Africa – and the world. The first step is to listen to them.

Priscilla Alderson

The Barlinnie Special Unit

A small error crept into my review of The Barlinnie Special Unit: Art, punishment and innovation (27 September). 

While the young (and then unknown) Robert Carlyle did indeed have a minor part in the movie Silent Scream, it was Iain Glenn who played Larry Winters, one of the Unit’s early residents.

In a brief early scene Winters surreptitiously hands papers to a woman as she leaves the prison. Although unnamed on screen this person presumably represents the Quaker Daphne Brooke, who published a collection of Winters’ writings after his untimely death in 1978. 

I have never been able to find out anything about Daphne Brooke and if there is any reader of the Friend who can shed light on her I would appreciate it.

Mike Nellis 

Members and attenders

I may be wrong, but on the point of whether attenders should be appointed as trustees (27 September) my understanding is that charity law requires trustees to be in membership, because non-members cannot legally be held accountable for the organisation’s actions. 

I know it is difficult to find enough members to fill all the jobs that need to be done, but I feel the meaning of membership is undermined when attenders are appointed to positions of responsibility. Why should attenders apply for membership if the rights and responsibilities of members and attenders have been equalised?

I think our corporate life is strengthened when attenders are admitted into membership, following discernment by their Area Meetings that they are committed to the fundamentals of Quakerism, as set out in Quaker faith & practice (11.01). 

Richard Pashley

Prejudices

Ol Rappaport’s letter ‘Welcoming Strangers’ (13 September) must be applauded for the frankness of its observations.

I cannot but add: try living south of the river Thames and, in a spirit of adventure, traipsing across to a North London Meeting.

I am both amused and saddened by the fact that prejudices still abound, prejudices I grew up with living in North London after the war eight decades ago, which are just as prevalent today. 

An old Yorkshire saying comes to mind, ‘There’s none so strange as folks’.

Anne M Jones