Remaining a Quaker
Anne Wade (15 December 2023) is to be applauded for her startlingly honest account of the unkind responses she had received in her Meeting, and how they left her feeling. The responders seem to have lost touch with seeing ‘that of God’ in everyone.
It is a profound and important cornerstone of Quakerism but, to me, it is also our weakness, because the verb is an active one, giving us the responsibility to see ‘that of God’ in everyone.
By contrast, Christianity within other groups starts from ‘you are loved by God’ – passive tense. This can be quite a revelation. Feeling loved can make us behave more lovingly.
I wrote a piece about this in the Friend about a year ago, in which I suggested that this onus upon us can lead to arrogance. We are all human beings and unfortunately the very human qualities of mean-mindedness, unkindness, even spitefulness, can creep into our Quakerly dealings.
Similar experiences within my own Meeting led me to cast around outside and search for answers to these human reactions of hurt, self-reproach. (‘Am I the one in the wrong here?’)
Among all the reading I have done I unearthed plenty of evidence of emotional spats elsewhere – cruelties between fellow priests and bishops, even popes.
Spiritual writings from the Old Testament, to Paul the apostle, to Hildegard of Bingen, Aquinas, Merton – to name but a few – offer an Aladdin’s cave of riches, which can be soothing, helpful and restorative. The ultimate test is to be able to bring it back into our Meeting, and enrich the life there.
Meeting can indeed be a wonder-full phenomenon, but sometimes the hurts are too hurtful for frail souls, which means almost all of us. I am so glad that Anne has now found acceptance and compatibility.
Anne M Jones
Quaker Recognised Bodies
I was disappointed to read in the report of Meeting for Sufferings (8 December, 2023) that Quaker Concern Over Population (QCOP) was not [renewed] as a recognised body.
QCOP has suffered regularly in Quaker circles from misunderstandings of its stance. There is no question of forced birth control. However, it is clear that the impact of humans on the environment in all aspects is a product of the emissions and behaviour of each person and the number of people. So surely we should be concerned about population.
In wealthier countries the birth rate has fallen naturally as people have access to education and family planning. They are choosing to have fewer children. Surely we should give this freedom to everyone in the world?
Some people are worried that a reduction in the birth rate will lead to problems with an ageing population. I recently received a heartening circular from Earth Overshoot about Japan.
Although the average CO2 emissions per person have stayed fairly constant, the country’s annual emissions dropped by twenty-one million tonnes between 2013 and 2019. This is mainly as a result of Japan’s declining population. At the same time Japan has a strong economy with low unemployment. Surely this is an example that the world should follow?
Daphne Wassermann
Gender therapy
I was glad to see, recently, that Quakers’ response to the conversion therapy consultation in 2021 included the following paragraph (my emphasis).
‘The government must also make clear that gender transition services, gender transition healthcare and legitimate and explorative gender therapy are not forms of conversion therapy and therefore would not be an offence under its proposals’ (see https://acrobat.adobe.com/id/urn:aaid:sc:EU:f8ae60d4-13aa-42ae-8284-4a5c100905c9).
This is stating that careful counselling, to enable someone to explore their feelings around gender identity, should not be considered to be conversion therapy. It’s important that those who are in distress over their gender identity or their sexed body should have access to counselling, if they want it, to help them explore their feelings.
I’ve noticed, though, that in Quakers’ public statements on conversion therapy there is no mention of such counselling.
As there is a danger that explorative counselling could become illegal under poorly thought-out legislation, it would be helpful if Quakers, as well as publicising their opposition to harmful conversion therapy practices, would also publicise and campaign on their support for this type of counselling.
Moyra Carlyle
Words of wisdom
Methinks Friends have become contentious. I am grieved when I read a Friend accusing another Friend of being ‘self-righteous’. There is quite a lot of intemperate language in letters to the Friend, and elsewhere, these days. It is judgmental, ignorant and uncharitable. I find that some Friends today have such strong opinions, that their attitude becomes dogmatic. Not exactly what we preach to others…
Would that we may remind ourselves of the timeless words of wisdom from Isaac Pennington, Quaker faith & practice 10.01: ‘Our life is love, and peace, and tenderness; and bearing one with another, and forgiving one another, and not laying accusations one against another… and helping one another up with a tender hand.’
Robin Hawes
Anti-hate vigil
Witness for peace takes many different forms, of which the vigil organised by Together for Humanity was one. However, it is important not to reinforce the propagandist message that vocal support for a ceasefire and for Palestine is in itself hateful.
I have attended three of the huge demonstrations in London. My experience was quite different to Fred Ashmore’s from Kingston Meeting (news, 15 December 2023). It is important to recognise that the sea of placards and Palestinian flags, the resolute calls for peace and freedom, offer hope to those under Israeli bombardment, that their voices are heard and recognised all over the world.
As Nowar Diab wrote some two months ago in The Guardian: ‘These scenes of support and solidarity really restore our hope. Seeing people of all ages and from all communities descend on the streets of London last weekend proved that our cries were not in vain. We are heard. The world is watching. And our fellow humans are standing up for us by opposing this war.’
I marched with Jews, Christians, Muslims, families, children, young and old. I am sad that Fred left before the climax of the protest, when he would have experienced the gathered silence of hundreds of thousands remembering all who have died, as profound as any Quaker Meeting.
I would urge Fred, and all Friends, to attend the next national demonstration on 13 January 2024. Talk to people about peace, find out why they are there, offer Quaker testimony by your presence and your willingness to engage.
Nicola Grove
Nationhood
All nations are born out of and sustained through acts of external and internal violence. Israel is no exception. Does the light recognise borders?
John Tranter
The same outcome
Terrorism and war – they have the same outcome: death, carnage and injustice in perpetuity.
Terrorism comes from simmering hatred, wars come from simmering hatred; terrorism can never bring peace and justice, wars can never bring peace and justice.
Israelis and Palestinians can never find peace until they replace fear and hatred with justice and love. An oppressed people such as the Palestinian people can only overcome their oppression with nonviolence.
Violence sows the seeds of further enmity and bloodshed. Violence begets violence and there is no end. Nonviolence seeks justice and a permanent ceasing of war and an end to hatred that leads to war. Violence, terrorism and wars maintain injustice, hatred and enmity.
Gerard Bane
Comments
I am the Friend who accused gender critical Friends of self-righteousness.
Meanwhile, in this edition of The Friend, Emma Roberts rails at “extreme trans activism” being influential in education and health. A trans woman’s right to be in women’s hospital wards comes from the Equality Act, piloted through the House of Commons by Harriet Harman, centre-left feminist. That interpretation, confirmed by NHS guidance from 2019, EHRC code of practice from 2011, and based on an understanding of trans confirmed by the WHO and the International Classification of Diseases, is entirely mainstream and not “extreme”. But the current government’s guidance for schools bans social transition in primary school, and advises secondary schools to force a trans girl to follow uniform rules for boys. Emma Roberts cannot see when she is winning.
Moyra Carlyle complains about Quaker public statements on conversion therapy. All therapy for trans people involves investigating other mental health issues, and challenging the trans person. See Abigail Thorn’s account on youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v1eWIshUzr8
The threat from the Conservative government’s potential conversion therapy Bill is to therapy which, after all possible challenges, accepts that a person is trans, because of the argument put about that transition “converts” gay people to heterosexuals, so is forced on gay people. There are well-funded, tiny organisations putting this view. Mainstream LGBT organisations such as the LGBT Foundation challenge it.
Friends should challenge the falsehoods, false fears, and, yes, self-righteousness of gender critical Friends.
By Abigail Maxwell on 2024 01 04
Re “extreme gender ideolology” or “activism”. THE EHRC advises:
‘There are circumstances where a lawfully-established separate or
single-sex service provider can prevent, limit or modify trans people’s
access to the service. This is allowed under the Act. However, limiting or
modifying access to, or excluding a trans person from, the separate or
single-sex service of the gender in which they present might be unlawful
if you cannot show such action is a proportionate means of achieving a
legitimate aim. This applies whether the person has a Gender
Recognition Certificate or not.’
This has implications for the placement of trans women in hospital wards, prisons, dormitories, women’s refugees, and in sports. (Biological men are much stronger than women.)
Recent well reported experiences indicate that discretion must be exercised by providers of services, and organisers of sports. Women’s opinions and feelings should be taken into account when issues arise.
I am with Emma Roberts, by the way, on these matters.
By DavidH on 2024 01 05
Mmm. “Biological men”. If you fail to acknowledge our difference, you can imagine yourself justified when you fail to acknowledge our needs.
“Stronger than women.” So, what? A trans woman in a hospital bed is a threat to a cis woman in the ward? Really? Do you ever sit in silence and speak as moved, or do you just parrot what you hear from other “extreme” anti-trans activists about trans women?
Before its ideological capture, the EHRC advised,
services “should treat transsexual people according to the gender role in which they present”. We are “transsexual” from the moment of deciding to transition. “The intention is to ensure that the transsexual person is treated in a way that best meets their needs.” If it is a service relating to the birth sex, such as reproductive health for trans men, it should preserve their privacy.
13.60 Any exception “must be applied as restrictively as possible and the denial of a service to a transsexual person should only occur in exceptional circumstances.” It should apply on a case-by-case basis, not a blanket ban. The service should balance the trans person’s needs and the detriment to them against the needs of other service users. “Care should be taken in each case to avoid a decision based on ignorance or prejudice. Also, the provider will need to show that a less discriminatory way to achieve the objective was not available.”
Fortunately, the advice I have quoted is in a statutory code of practice, so authoritative. The guidance you quote is not. See the guidance GANHRI gave to EHRC: they are not politically independent of government.
By Abigail Maxwell on 2024 01 05
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