Letters - 28 February 2025

Back to the start?

I’ve known I was gay since a teenager and I’ve trusted and loved Christ, wishing to live guided by the Light for as long as I can remember. I discovered Quakerism as a spiritual refugee from the lands of despair and crises of faith that come from being both gay and Christian.  

I was welcomed with open arms. 

I remember asking one of our elders after my first Meeting for Worship about the Meeting’s attitude towards queer people. Despite the large ‘PEACE’ pride flag in the window, I’d been misled before. They smiled and said I could belong here, serve here, I could even be married here as an equal to any other before God and before the Meeting.

My cup runneth over. 

But now, I’m increasingly disheartened by the growing dialogue around the rights and acceptance of transgender individuals. While I’m accepted now in the Religious Society, I know it wasn’t always so. Despite our pretence that a reluctance among some particular Friends around gay marriage didn’t exist – it did. Many spoke to these Friends, they opened dialogue but refused to compromise on the existence of gay people and their right to live openly and walk in the Light that guides them. 

Why then, are we back at the start? Must we argue on every letter in LGBTQ+, judging which is acceptable? I’m a woman, queer, I’ve experienced abuse. Without the loving support of my trans Friends, I wouldn’t be a Quaker, certainly not an active one, a broken but supported one and, most of all, a deeply loved one. 

Walk in the Light, Friends of all colours of the rainbow, live your Truth with our strength behind you. 

Now these three remain: faith, hope, and love – but the greatest of these is love (1 Corinthians 13:13).

Skye Dutton

BYM structures 

I have become increasingly frustrated – no, angry – about the letters criticising the current management of Britain Yearly Meeting (BYM).   

Writing as a former BYM trustee, I can only say I found – and find – the quality of our staff and the way they manage our business, to be highly professional and helpful. 

I had hoped the letter from Beth Allen (7 February) might have answered criticisms, but apparently not. We had a saying at work (where I was a jolly good manager) about ‘men not inhibited by knowledge’. Perhaps we could insert ‘Friends’ instead of men? 

I also hope that the majority of Friends will continue their solid financial support of the Society, as we are in our Area Meeting

Nick Francis

Recognise the suffering 

I am writing to you in response to the article published in a recent edition of the Friend entitled ‘the evolution of sexual mores in British society’ (10 January).

Much of it was interesting comment. However I was disturbed by Clive Ashwin’s paragraph solely in defence of men whose ‘reputations’ were sullied, with no reference to the suffering of women and children who are daily sexually assaulted and/or raped, with consequences that can last a lifetime, and often with no recourse to justice or recompense. 

One in four (twenty-five per cent) children (that we know of) are sexually violated. Eighty per cent of the perpetrators are adults in a position of trust within the family. Many adults are raped during their lifetime, mostly of course, girls and women, by men. Only one per cent of reported rape allegations ever reach a conviction. Many women do not go to court because they cannot face having their characters assassinated by defence lawyers – an additional rape of a different kind. That means that many men get off scot-free – free to re-offend. Where is the justice in that for the majority of genuine women who have been raped? There are seldom any witnesses, and evidence is hard to come by. 

There needs to be a recognition of the suffering of so many more females in our world, whose whole lives are ruined, not just their reputations. 

Where are the males in our society who use their power, strength and gender status to champion the cause of so many women and girls who are sexually assaulted daily?

Jenny Luck 

Breathe again

Since reading Clive Ashwin’s article ‘Sex, sex, sex’ (10 January), I have been sitting in unease.

I tore out the article and kept it, uncertain if I was overreacting, whether or how to respond. (How much are the memories of the ‘harmless flirting twenty years ago’ still distressing the victims today? Are only allegations with evidence worthy?)

Then Kate Arnot’s letter appeared (14 February). Hallelujah! She spoke my mind, only a lot more clearly and strongly than I could have done. I realised that I had been holding my breath. Now I feel I can breathe again.

Name and address supplied 

Management  

The philosopher Mary Midgley once said in a radio interview that to think ethically was to think seriously. If we want to operate ethically in our commercial business activities, we should think seriously about management. If we think seriously about management we will realise that it requires training and a degree of expertise. 

This is certainly so in relation to the employment, support, development and management of staff, which can raise complex and fraught issues. 

In any human activity one will encounter examples of good and poor practice. Sadly some of the worst instances of staff management that I have encountered have been in Quaker settings. 

Jeff Dean

Quaker response 

The international order seems to be in acute chaos presently and its moral compass is in absentia.

Now much as ever Quaker values need to assert themselves.

To quote James Naylor: ‘There is a Spirit that delights to do no evil, nor to revenge any wrong, but delights to endure all things, in hope to enjoy its own in the end.’

Our Peace Testimony is as a beacon on a hill as are our other testimonies to steer our cause in these most turbulent times 

Let our Society hold firm as a peace witness to a world submerged in violence and proclaim fraternity to all humanity, integrity to the created order and ever strive for the realisation of that peaceful kingdom of early and present Friends.

Gerard Bane  

Banking for small groups

Over the last few months, I have become aware of a problem for small organisations with limited funds. 

I am involved with two Quaker Recognised Bodies (Quaker South Asia Interest Group and Quaker Concern over Population). Both receive contributions from members and spend it on printing, postage, advertising in the Friend and the occasional venue hire. 

The annual turnover is not much more than two or three hundred pounds. I think it is likely that other Quaker recognised bodies and many community groups will be in a similar financial position. 

The problem arising is that banks have started introducing charges for business accounts. There are exceptions for registered charities and those with several thousand pounds being kept in the account. 

The charges appear small at around six pounds a month or seventy to eighty pounds a year. These charges easily take up forty per cent of the contributions received. 

Can small groups reasonably appeal to their members for higher contributions to pay bank charges? 

It may be tempting to try and use personal accounts for the group funds, but that can easily be misinterpreted or cause problems if the person whose account is being used becomes unavailable.

It would be of great interest to learn how other small Quaker-related groups maintain good stewardship of their financial resources.

Martin Schweiger