With child: Abigail Maxwell’s Thought for the Week

‘The inner Light can be perplexing.’

In my experience, the phenomenon we call ‘the inner Light’ is one and the same as ‘the inner child’. But these two words give a widely differing understanding; is it the source of wisdom, or is it childlike (or even childish), or all these things? 

My inner Light prompts me to speak in ministry, including writing here and elsewhere. It may prompt a single act or a lifetime’s calling. The word ‘Light’ makes me think of the ‘Goodness of God’, which has caused problems for me in the past. I lie to myself because I want to see myself as a good person, with that standard of ‘good’ imbibed from outside. So my ideas of ‘good’ can conflict with what I find good. This creates inner conflict. The inner Light can be perplexing. 

I do not believe in God the Father Almighty. If I did, I might imagine the inner Light in some way connected to something all-powerful and all-knowing. How could such a Light be mistaken? Quaker beliefs about the Light, or God, may affect whether we hear it clearly or say: no, the Light would not say that. Do you want your God to be respectable? 

There is something else in me that comes up when I consider a leading. That part asks, ‘What will people think?’ When considering whether to minister, it asks: ‘Is this for these people, now, or just for me?’ There is ardour in the Light which sometimes we Friends can quieten – afraid, perhaps, that people might say, ‘They are filled with new wine’ (Acts 2:13). 

Trying to understand conflicting parts within me, I named them ‘Driver’ and ‘Protector’. For me the Light was the Protector. Someone else might swap them around. 

Jesus said, ‘unless you change and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven’ (Matthew 18:3). For me, the inner child had firm control of an inner ‘no’, and my motivation to act lived in it. When I honoured her ‘no’, her ‘yes’ was freed. 

I could see God within as an unruly child. ‘What will people think?’ can be a worthwhile question, but it can also produce a fear of self which prevents a person finding their potential, their power and their calling. If the part asking that question is a wise counsellor to the Light, it might help the work of God to success. But if it is a tyrant ruler, it stymies God. The great blessing of our latest Yearly Meeting, for me, was its powerful affirmation of an earlier minute welcoming trans people. It has helped get rid of the last vestiges of my internalised transphobia, which inhibited me in a harmful way. Without it, I am freed to live more as God calls. What is God asking of you, that you fear is impractical or unwise?

When I was a child, adults guided me and told me what was sensible, practical and right. Paul said, ‘when I became an adult, I put an end to childish ways’ (1 Cor 13:11). Calling the Light an ‘inner child’ could be a way of disempowering and judging it. I have an inner truth, which is idiosyncratically me, and which will find its way in Quaker community.

---

Comments

What is it about the Editors at the Friend that leads them to keep publishing articles by Abigail Maxwell? Using the Search function, I count 20 in the last three years. (That’s not including Letters.) Who else gets that much space in The Friend?

1. With child: Abigail Maxwell’s Thought for the Week
16 January 2025 | by Abigail Maxwell

2. Somewhere to believe in: Abigail Maxwell visits the Greenbelt Festival
05 September 2024 | by Abigail Maxwell

3. Going Green: Abigail Maxwell finds a party
I am delighted that there will be an election. For me, it is personal. The Conservatives claim that Theresa May’s 2017 proposal for gender recognition was a danger to women and children, and propose to ban schools from teaching the simple truth that some people are trans. They claim women’s…
13 June 2024 | by Abigail Maxwell

4. Thought for the Week: Abigail Maxwell stands up for her self
23 May 2024 | by Abigail Maxwell

5. Bear it in mind: Abigail Maxwell on the psychology of nontheist worship
22 February 2024 | by Abigail Maxwell

6. Gender assignment: Abigail Maxwell on what it would take to offer a truly welcoming space
(Warning: contains strong language) When people spread fear of trans people or oppose trans rights, it is anti-trans campaigning. This is normalised in British society. As a trans woman, I want Quakers to learn about this, and call it out when they see it. Trans is not a debate, trans…
02 November 2023 | by Abigail Maxwell

7. Terra affirma: Abigail Maxwell visits the Greenbelt Festival 2023
14 September 2023 | by Abigail Maxwell

8. Deep space: Abigail Maxwell’s Thought for the week
I have been speaking in Meeting for twenty-two years. Has what I said been ministry at all? Might it be, now? How could I know?
03 August 2023 | by Abigail Maxwell

9. Thought for the week: Abigail Maxwell hopes so
My young Friend asked me, do I have hope for the future? I was silent. With the ozone not fully healed, chemicals bioaccumulating, CO2 emissions continuing, and trillions of plastic particles in the oceans, why do we not despair?
30 March 2023 | by Abigail Maxwell

10. Sex symbols: Abigail Maxwell asks Friends to stand up for transgender people
In 2021, Yearly Meeting minuted, ‘We seek to provide places of worship and community that are welcoming and supportive to trans and non-binary people who want to be among us. Belonging is more than fitting in.’
02 March 2023 | by Abigail Maxwell

11. Getting real: Abigail Maxwell takes care of her self
26 January 2023 | by Abigail Maxwell

12. The angels share: Abigail Maxwell visits the Greenbelt festival of arts, faith and justice
15 September 2022 | by Abigail Maxwell

13. Moving forward: Abigail Maxwell visits New York Yearly Meeting
18 August 2022 | by Abigail Maxwell

14. Safe keeping: Abigail Maxwell on radical vulnerability
04 August 2022 | by Abigail Maxwell

15. Beyond toleration: Abigail Maxwell reflects on two light-filled events
21 July 2022 | by Abigail Maxwell

16. Article of faith: Abigail Maxwell is in the flow
I am an atheist materialist. I do not believe in God the father almighty, the creator, the ‘uncaused cause,’ or the ‘God in everything’ of panentheism. I believe all my words and acts are the products of my neurons, not Spirit separate from matter. And I am a Quaker. Quaker…
07 July 2022 | by Abigail Maxwell

17. Should it stay or should it go? Abigail Maxwell on language
16 June 2022 | by Abigail Maxwell
18. Embarrassment of riches: Abigail Maxwell on worship
05 May 2022 | by Abigail Maxwell

19. A good idea? Abigail Maxwell on a confused concept
14 April 2022 | by Abigail Maxwell

20. What’s in a name? Abigail Maxwell on what we call ‘God’
10 February 2022 | by Abigail Maxwell

By Robbie Spence on 16th January 2025 - 14:01

---

Please login to add a comment