Welcome Friend
Maria Martin writes about an initiative at Chichester Meeting
Visiting a different Meeting I was greeted at the door with a lovely smile, a warm handshake and the words ‘Welcome Friend!’ It really resonated with me, as a group of Chichester Friends have been working on a gender diversity inclusion statement, sharing experiences and paying particular attention to words, their nuances and impact. In this simple greeting, this Friend had said it all!
It all started in October 2016 when our Area Meeting LGBTQ group, who meet in Brighton, were the speakers at our regular third Sunday talk. Supported by others from the group, four Friends, three from our Area Meeting and one from London, told us of their experiences of being gay and of being transgender.
It was an exceptional meeting. With courage, frankness and humour they opened our eyes to our need for knowledge and understanding and, in the loving atmosphere of the group, it emerged that several Chichester Friends were endeavouring to support close family members and friends through their own joyful and turbulent journeys. Following the session several of us kept in touch and were, therefore, thrilled to see the reports in the Friend of the Inclusion Statement, initiated by Wanstead Friends and the North-East Thames Area Meeting, and later to learn that it had been warmly welcomed by Meeting for Sufferings.
This led to a concern being brought to Chichester elders and from there on to Business Meeting, where any interested Friends were invited to meet to discern if we felt led to formulate our own statement. We recognised that Chichester Friends’ experiences complemented and overlapped the North East Thames statement, but also had our own particular and unique issues, which we wanted to express. We had the pleasure and good fortune to be joined by two of our inspirational speakers at some of our gatherings, which greatly enriched us and kept us focused. Feedback from the wider Meeting reminded us that by including some Friends we must not exclude others – feeling challenged was fine, feeling threatened was not – and over several sessions gradual, sensitive progress was made.
Some of our group attended an event at Yearly Meeting Gathering that further inspired and energised them. The gifted addition to our library of the book This is my body: Hearing the theology of transgender Christians, edited by Christina Beardsley and Michelle O’Brien, and our growing awareness of supportive groups helped us to continue to search for simple but vital inclusion steps that we could consider.
In September 2017 our own statement was read and approved. It was agreed that it should be posted up in the Meeting and was sent to Area Meeting for further consideration. The statement is entitled ‘Safe, Welcomed, Valued, Respected’:
At Chichester Quaker Meeting all are welcome, respected, valued and safe to fully participate as their true selves, free from gender assumptions and stereotypes as we seek to discover and follow the Inward Light in which we walk.
In our sharing of personal stories we have come to recognise the need to support both those who are transgender and non-binary and their friends and families who may be struggling in coming to terms with their own personal responses and feelings.
We acknowledge, too, that we are all at different stages of our personal journeys in our understanding of gender identity. We do not want to be divided by the words we use but rather “feel where the words come from”. We trust that together we can deepen our understanding so that Chichester Quaker Meeting truly becomes a place where all are welcomed, supported and nurtured. We rejoice in our own diversity and in creating a place where we can listen to and connect with one another and, “helping one another up with a tender hand” accompany one another with love.
We are continuing to meet, to learn and grow, searching out how we can try to put our aims into practice so that we can say in sincerity and truth to one and all a resounding ‘Welcome Friend’!
