Thoughts on adoption

A Friend responds to ‘Dave’s story’

I read ‘Dave’s Story’ (10 February), of a Friend’s experience of adopting children, with great interest, as much of it echoed my own experience with my adopted son: the sense of loss, the visits to the cranial osteopath, the infectious laugh, the rages, the pit of misery, the poor GCSE results, the moving from job to unsatisfactory job and the slide into cannabis. And worse? I don’t know.

My son was prone to mood swings: he would be delightfully happy, laughing, cooperative and cheerful – then suddenly enter a pit of despair. It was as if a black cloud descended and enveloped him in unhappiness, grumpiness and ‘bad’ behaviour. As he grew older and bigger he sometimes scared me, as his rages were sometimes almost uncontrollable.

When he was fourteen we sent him to a Quaker boarding school and it was ‘the best thing you ever did Mum,’ he said. And it was – thanks to a generous grant from Friends. Within the first term he’d won a prize.

Later, he was diagnosed with a mild neurological condition, which explained his hyperactivity.

His GCSE results were never going to be great, but the school helped him with his self-confidence and self-esteem. He was frequently in trouble, but they coped, for which I am eternally grateful.

While at that school he learnt skills that he was later able to utilise in a highly enjoyable and very worthwhile job (in special education), which he held down for some years and where he was respected and valued. It was here that he met the lovely young woman who has become his wife.

They now have two gorgeous daughters and to see him with his girls is one of the great joys of my life. He is bringing them up so well: lots of love and hugs and kisses, along with appropriate discipline when necessary.

I don’t know how old ‘Dave’ is, but my son is now just over forty.

I sincerely hope ‘Dave’s’ story ends well.

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