Thought for the Week: On forgiveness
Mike Lambrix writes about forgiveness
Do you recall a few years back when someone went into the Amish school and killed all those children? What amazed me was how the Amish community, including the parents of the victims, joined together and gave a public statement of forgiveness, refusing to resort to vengeance. They even attended the funeral of the man who killed their children, and brought food to the gunman’s family.
Few people realise just how much power and spiritual growth there is in making that conscious decision to forgive rather than seek vengeance. You seldom hear of these few who do, especially here in the States, as our society has become dependent upon the need to seek vengeance and we are all but brainwashed by the culture we have become to see forgiveness is a sign of weakness – and even as being unChristian! It’s really sad.
That is the philosophy that I try to incorporate into my own life. No matter what life throws one’s way we have a choice in how we respond and it’s that conscious decision that ultimately defines who we are. That doesn’t mean that it’s easy not to respond in anger or even vengeance. But if any society would teach the value in responding with forgiveness rather than state-sanctioned vengeance, it would become a part of who we are.
My recent termination of the relationship with H is a good example. I think I had every right to be pretty upset at this as I stood by her unconditionally through everything she went through, including a relapse into drug use that caused her to be placed in a rehabilitation centre. But then when she was hit with the news in late December that the courts would not apply the Hurst decision [2016] to older cases, she was understandably very upset – and two weeks later she simply disappeared. The last [letter] that I got from her talked about how she couldn’t wait to start visiting and how much it meant to her that I stood by her when no one else did – and that’s the last letter I got.
In fact, when I certainly didn’t get any more mail, my concern was that something had happened to her. But about a month later another friend went on her Facebook page and saw that she was/is ‘involved’ in a relationship with someone else.
I really do understand why anyone would be overwhelmed by the prospect of probable execution. I totally get why she felt the need to move on. But what I don’t understand is why she couldn’t tell me she decided to end our relationship, especially after I had been there for her for so long. That was hard to deal with.
But I had a choice – do I want to become angry and write her a letter that expresses that anger? Or do I want to find the strength to rise above it and respond with an open heart?
Those are the kinds of decisions that ultimately define who we really are. So when I do feel my negativity building up, I put aside whatever I’m doing and I meditate. I truly am not angry at H and I wish her nothing but the best. I wrote to let her know that I do understand and wish her only happiness and that if she ever needs someone to talk to, I will always be there to be her friend and I hope one day she will write again. She really is a good person – it was just too much for her to handle.
Mike Lambrix
From a letter written on Easter Day, April 2017 (see ‘Light from the darkness’ by Jan Arriens)
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