Thought for the week: Elaine Bright is beyond doubt
‘Christmas makes us stir up the silt in the bucket of our emotions.’
When and how do we move on? Over dinner with friends recently I acknowledged that I didn’t believe in a god. I thought it over on the way home: when did I move on from that belief? As a child I was christened and confirmed. I attended church every Sunday, and a convent school during the week. I had a church wedding. Was it one single event, or just a gentle slide into another view?
Christmas makes us stir up the silt in the bucket of our emotions. It also brings us to a halt, makes us catch our breath, and warms our souls. We have to decide: do we move on from the past, or just work out a way to climb over it?
My Dad passed on Christmas Eve eight years ago. As I sat with him in the ambulance I wondered if I should pray. Was I lost in my own lack of belief, or happy to rely on the doctors? I put my faith in them.
However we choose to spend Christmas, whatever our belief, it rouses something in all of us. My own celebrations have always been full of family. But have I loaded too much onto the event for my children? Do they feel they cannot move on, to have their own event, as I am still hosting mine? Do they only have faith in me to create Christmas?
Perhaps it’s just the mixture of people – some very contained, others very exotic – who come together with us. One eats lunch and passes out on the floor, every year. One brings their dogs, who chase my cats. Another broke the toilet seat and had to have assistance in its removal. One more had toothache and, after too much alcohol, took painkillers. We thought they were dead, but after a hose off in the garden they recovered for the evening buffet. One Christmas night my father called for an ambulance for my mother, not telling anyone. I went out on the landing to find paramedics – I nearly had a heart attack! The key thing is that all the guests remain faithful to the principle of family and love.
In the end, I think it was just a gradual move from one faith to another. There was no major, shattering event. I just started finding faith in everyone and everything. Do I feel faithless when I attend my grandchildren’s christenings? No, I feel full of faith for the future.
It’s not over yet, but sometime we will be able to move on from this constrained fear of a virus we cannot see. For almost two years we’ve had faith that science would rescue us, and it will. Whatever your views of Christmas, amid all the fear and unknown, do try to take a moment to allow yourself some enjoyment.
Elaine is the finance officer at the Friend.
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