Thought for the Week: Acceptance and hope
A prisoner reflects on the impact of reading Quaker faith & practice
As a prisoner with an indefinite sentence, I came to prison with a lack of direction, little to aspire to in the way of positive role models, and a pro-criminal attitude that I had built up over many years. However, I had always known, above all my many flaws that I needed to address, that I had good inside me, which longed for nurture to flourish. I found the very thing I craved through Quakerism. I truly believe God found me. Why?
I knew nothing about Quakerism when I stumbled across a small Advices & queries book within another inmate’s cell. I read it, with great care, that night. I felt like I was being spoken to, and about, in equal measure. Advice 11 was the one that really struck a chord: ‘Be honest with yourself. What unpalatable truths might you be evading?’ I had much to face up to, but wasn’t it easier to hide?
Advice 30 says: ‘Are you able to contemplate your death and the death of those closest to you?’ Me? Sure enough, a factor involved in my incarceration was the death of one of my closest family members. It was an extremely similar story with Advices 32 and 28. I had never felt religious, but for once I was being spoken to. These Advices enabled me to examine myself, and the person I was. I had to learn more, so I applied to attend the next Meeting for Worship.
A really lovely lady came to see me and I was given a copy of Quaker faith & practice to read. I read it over the following week and was mesmerised by the content. I didn’t feel ‘force fed’ but guided, not only spiritually but as a whole person. I wanted to aspire to Quaker values of peace, equality, simplicity and truth and to guide myself to become that better person. I believe it has enabled me to lay down strong foundations knowing that if I now choose this way of life I wouldn’t have the desire to create more victims through crime. Instead, I wished to display the ‘seed’ of good inside and help people by being pro-social on the wings; helping those with mental health issues or diffusing difficult and tense situations that occur within high security prisons. I can’t credit everything to Quaker faith & practice, as along the way I’ve met some fantastic Quaker chaplains who have shown me understanding and believed in me to an extent where I felt not only acceptance for my past but great hope for my future. If you read Isaac Penington in 19.14 of Quaker faith & practice, he describes my experience almost to perfection.
Over my incarceration I’ve never attended a Quaker Meeting outside these walls and often wonder how different they might be? Would attenders still be accepting of me… us… as they are here? The statements written in the ‘worship and prayer’ section of Quaker faith & practice do offer insight and a sense of comfort, but equally interesting to read is how worship and prayer have evolved over the years, though the most integral parts have not. I like how I’m able to speak to God on my terms through silence in the same way George Fox could.
I’d like to finish off by thanking all the Quakers I’ve worked with over the years. Quakerism is rewarding, helping me to come to terms with my actions and take responsibility for the consequences. Quakerism is much more than a religion. It enabled me to look at the bigger picture and gave me values I could aspire to and keep on achieving.
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