Thought for the Week: A spiritual home
Chris Tortise shares his experience of finding his spiritual home
Religion has always been important in my life. As a child, I regularly attended a Church of England service and was part of the choir that sang every Sunday. I was a choral scholar before university, then commuted every weekend to sing in various churches around London.
Moving to the capital after graduating I realised, to my horror, that I had lost my spirituality. Despite going to church almost every week to sing, it became a job that took my focus away from worship. It was then that I saw an advert for the Quakers on the Tube, and went along to my first Meeting in Hampstead. It was such a revelation! The silence and the sense of togetherness stunned me into a realisation that this was the way I wanted to experience God. I felt a degree of understanding that I had lacked up to that point. I began to regularly attend Westminster Meeting on a Wednesday evening. I found it calming in the chaos that is London and enjoyed the anonymity associated with a large Meeting. The range of ministry in the Meeting was immense, and throughout it gave me food for thought.
I had always felt uncomfortable with the role of the clergy: What makes their words so holy? Is my opinion less valid? I’d also struggled with the creed. It seemed wrong of me to be vocalising what I didn’t believe I needed to. To have my own relationship with God, without a mediator or filter, kept me returning to Meeting year after year. In my early experiences of Meeting for Worship I found I was moved to give ministry regularly. I can barely remember anything I said on any occasion, and I have no idea how people reacted to what I had to say. But that doesn’t matter. I had felt moved to speak, my heart open to God’s words.
It was then that I began to understand what had moved others to express themselves. I began to adore hearing what people had to say, the experiences they wanted to share. It is something that started to filter into my everyday life. I responded more rationally, felt calmer and was able to see things from a different perspective. I became a better person by simply listening and reflecting.
I look back on my early experiences of Meetings fondly. I never felt shy about attending, nor about what I believed in. Every Meeting I have ever attended has opened my eyes further to the love and generosity of the human spirit. I was even offered, in Sydney, a house to stay in! Every smile, every handshake; there is a genuine joy at welcoming people. The testimonies of peace, equality, simplicity and truth encompass what I want to be in life. To me, they are such fundamental elements of human nature that if I can live by these I will be content. I was once told that I should ask for forgiveness daily for being gay. But God made me who I am, and I have never been judged by any Friend. I feel no shame in my life.
What I feel sets Quakers apart from the Church of England is an innate sense that everyone is the same, yet we are free to choose our own path. I have now found my place at Forest Hill, and in September finally became a Friend. I am very lucky to have found my spiritual home, and at thirty-one have many years ahead of me to repay the kindness and understanding shown to me by Quakers around the world.
Comments
Dear Friend Chris,
Thank you for sharing your honest feelings . I am sorry though that you had/have such a negative experience of the CofE and clergy.
I have just retired after 34 years as a Vicar and am an attender at our local meeting (Bideford).I really agree with you about the joy of Quaker worship but am sorry you were never able to know this ‘closeness to God’ through your C of E experiences as my experience is almost the opposite. Finding Him , gradually, through the various experiences, people, sufferings and mistakes of my ‘longing for His Presence’ within the C of E.
One of my favourite verses is Psalm 16 verse 11
I still keep my links with C of E by conducting weddings and funerals and am enjoying learning now more about this Quaker Way whilst remembering that is Jesus, Himself, (John 14v6)
By John C on 2nd November 2016 - 18:08
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