Thought for the Week: A spiritual home
Chris Tortise shares his experience of finding his spiritual home
Religion has always been important in my life. As a child, I regularly attended a Church of England service and was part of the choir that sang every Sunday. I was a choral scholar before university, then commuted every weekend to sing in various churches around London.
Moving to the capital after graduating I realised, to my horror, that I had lost my spirituality. Despite going to church almost every week to sing, it became a job that took my focus away from worship. It was then that I saw an advert for the Quakers on the Tube, and went along to my first Meeting in Hampstead. It was such a revelation! The silence and the sense of togetherness stunned me into a realisation that this was the way I wanted to experience God. I felt a degree of understanding that I had lacked up to that point. I began to regularly attend Westminster Meeting on a Wednesday evening. I found it calming in the chaos that is London and enjoyed the anonymity associated with a large Meeting. The range of ministry in the Meeting was immense, and throughout it gave me food for thought.
I had always felt uncomfortable with the role of the clergy: What makes their words so holy? Is my opinion less valid? I’d also struggled with the creed. It seemed wrong of me to be vocalising what I didn’t believe I needed to. To have my own relationship with God, without a mediator or filter, kept me returning to Meeting year after year. In my early experiences of Meeting for Worship I found I was moved to give ministry regularly. I can barely remember anything I said on any occasion, and I have no idea how people reacted to what I had to say. But that doesn’t matter. I had felt moved to speak, my heart open to God’s words.
It was then that I began to understand what had moved others to express themselves. I began to adore hearing what people had to say, the experiences they wanted to share. It is something that started to filter into my everyday life. I responded more rationally, felt calmer and was able to see things from a different perspective. I became a better person by simply listening and reflecting.
I look back on my early experiences of Meetings fondly. I never felt shy about attending, nor about what I believed in. Every Meeting I have ever attended has opened my eyes further to the love and generosity of the human spirit. I was even offered, in Sydney, a house to stay in! Every smile, every handshake; there is a genuine joy at welcoming people. The testimonies of peace, equality, simplicity and truth encompass what I want to be in life. To me, they are such fundamental elements of human nature that if I can live by these I will be content. I was once told that I should ask for forgiveness daily for being gay. But God made me who I am, and I have never been judged by any Friend. I feel no shame in my life.
What I feel sets Quakers apart from the Church of England is an innate sense that everyone is the same, yet we are free to choose our own path. I have now found my place at Forest Hill, and in September finally became a Friend. I am very lucky to have found my spiritual home, and at thirty-one have many years ahead of me to repay the kindness and understanding shown to me by Quakers around the world.
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