Thanks for the memory: a chaplain supporter remembers a prisoner

‘In the many conversations I had with Robert my respect for him increased.’

Three years ago I joined a small team of Quaker prison chaplaincy supporters. I began visiting a prison; the Quaker Meetings I join are attended by men who’ve found an expression of faith that they are able to relate to. Their encounter with Quakerism is through the ministry of the chaplains.

Robert was a regular attender in membership. He brought with him his much-thumbed copy of Quaker faith & practice, stuffed with bookmarks and notes. Despite my certainty that he had committed a serious crime many years before, in the many conversations I had with Robert my respect for him increased, along with my admiration for his contribution to the life of his fellow residents. Along the way I also saw examples of his creative talents, ranging from embroidery to graphics and delightful objects made from card.

In my conversations with many of the men, the truth of our Quaker belief in that of God in everyone was confirmed for me. I learned not to define them by what had brought them to prison, but to understand that a man who had killed someone, for instance, is not a ‘murderer’, but someone who had once killed another, possibly in a unique and certainly tragic circumstance.

After I’d started visiting the prison, Robert was diagnosed with a terminal illness. Throughout his decline he refused to allow his illness to dominate his days. Conversations during his decline heightened my respect for him. As he readied himself for death, through his spoken ministry in our Meetings, he made peace with his past and those he had hurt. Robert continued to be supported by the Quaker chaplains right up to the end of his life. The main chaplain sang gently to him as he died in hospital.

Robert’s Funeral Meeting took place in the nearby Meeting house, where Friends had welcomed him into membership. I joined Robert’s closest relatives, other Friends, a few prison staff and the chaplains. Robert’s coffin arrived and was placed in the circle of those present. Robert’s stuffed copy of Quaker faith & practice sat on top of his coffin. There followed a warm and gentle Meeting, in which Robert’s relatives, with others, offered spoken ministry. One of Robert’s oldest friends stood and offered his in affectionate and moving terms: ‘Into the darkness and warmth of the earth We lay you down Into the sadness and smiles of our memories We lay you down Into the cycle of living and dying and rising again We lay you down May you rest in peace, in fulfilment, in love Into the freedom of wind and sunshine We let you go Into the dance of the stars and the planets We let you go Into the wind’s breath and the hands of the star maker We let you go.’

The author is anonymous for security reasons.

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