Speaking in Meeting
Freyr LePage describes ‘a submission I couldn’t not write’
Yesterday was my first ever spoken ministry in Meeting for Worship and, due perhaps to my inexperience, the only words I could get out were: ‘When you wait upon the Lord, there he is.’ Here is the rest.
As a Quaker child I never ministered; never understood why people stood up and spoke while I was told to be quiet. At eighteen I discovered Buddhism and embarked upon an inner journey. When I returned later as a Young Quaker I was even more sceptical of the Quaker way, and eventually just stopped attending, except once when I was called to do so, whereupon I met a Friend who became a friend with whom I discovered A Course In Miracles (ACIM).
This is the greatest work of written ministry I have ever encountered or ever expect to encounter. Through it, the aim of the author, Helen Schucman, is to teach us how to think like Jesus, and by diligent study and practise to eventually reach the same state of mind as Him. Part of this process is learning how to hear the Spirit as he did.
This week my support worker (who happens to be that Friend/friend I mentioned earlier) was on leave. I was concerned about being alone, and without support and food. She suggested I go to stay at Woodbrooke for a few days, where I would be served three very good meals a day. While at Woodbrooke I tried again to understand spoken ministry, trying to reconcile universal principles from Buddhism and ACIM with this specifically Quaker form of practise. I read all that Quaker faith & practice has on the subject and it provided some insight, but did not offer me clear instructions for how to approach Meeting for Worship. I have perhaps been spoiled by ACIM, which always gives extremely clear and precise instructions, so it is plainly apparent when you are not following them.
A Friend in Residence kindly lent me a Pendle Hill Pamphlet that she found helpful in this regard: A Zen Buddhist Encounters Quakerism. I read a few pages and then considered it for a while, whereupon I was struck by the realisation that the notion of ‘waiting upon the Lord’ was entirely wrong, at least for me, now.
The Lord (Jesus) has been in my face this whole time, insisting I speak, and I’ve not been paying attention because what I have to say is outside the Quaker norm, in content and in volume. I thought: ‘Surely these words can’t be ministry, they are just my ramblings’. Now I understand that He does not require me at this time to speak His words, but rather my own words as directed by Him. It does not have to be perfect.
The moment I accepted this I could no longer deny Him. I felt this energy building in me in stages, until I found myself standing up, heart thumping and hands shaking, to speak, though I did not know what to say. This did not seem (to Him) to matter much. I found some words to say and then asked aloud whether I could sit down. The Friend in front of me nodded and Jesus permitted. I said thank you and sat down. Yet, shortly after, I started to feel that same rising energy. I had more to say. I avoided it by distracting myself – the mental equivalent of putting my hands over my ears and singing: ‘La la la la… I can’t hear you!’
Fortunately, I was helped in my distraction by several other Friends who ministered in quick succession until the end of the Meeting. However, the requirement upon me to minister has continued beyond the Meeting. I have but two options: to avoid taking part in the Religious Society of Friends, or to minister, persistently, in what seems to me the most disruptive manner.
This is the end of my story. Now the message. To those who have never stood to speak: do so in your next Meeting for Worship; do not fear embarrassment – it is just a feeling and it will pass. You need not say much. You can say: ‘I don’t have anything to say – so I’m going to sit down again, thank you, Friends.’
Whatever you do, do not place social propriety between you and Christ. To those who minister routinely: I invite you to look deeper into you minds – to the secret sins and hidden hates. Offer them to Him without fear, for He knows only how to love; and if so directed, share them with the Meeting.
