‘To Thine Own Self be True.’ Photo: by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash
Sex symbols: Fred Ashmore reports from a London Quakers discussion on gender diversity
‘Friends who were less familiar with the territory were asked to walk alongside the feelings of the deeply experienced.’
Gender diversity generates powerful emotions. It’s one of the topics that will be prominent during Yearly Meeting Gathering. Last month London Quakers ran an online event to talk about the subject: ‘To Thine Own Self be True.’
In planning the event, we recognised the potential for opposing views. We thought our purpose should be to recognise and respect each other’s experience and humanity, to seek what brings us together and can help us towards unity in the Quaker sense: to go forward together in our search for the leadings of the spirit.
Many Friends are concerned about their lack of information and awareness on this subject. Some Friends really don’t know where to start, or fear error and giving offence. It’s quite a challenge to design an event at which those who feel themselves ignorant can rub shoulders with those who have lived through deep personal experiences. Friends who were less familiar with the territory were asked to walk alongside the feelings of the deeply experienced, recognising that any of us might stumble. As far as we can tell, this worked quite well, probably because Quakers mostly try to be careful of each other.
The meeting was opened by Edwina Peart, BYM’s inclusion and diversity coordinator. Yvonne Estop-Wood talked about the experience and perspective of being transgender, in the context of family, faith and feminism. I talked about being the father of someone who has transitioned. Janet Veitch talked about some of the matters which unite us, such as welcome and safety, and talked quietly about some of the issues which divide us. She opened up conversation about the coercive nature of gender and gender expectations, and some of the difficulties and dangers that women and girls experience.
The Q&A was vivid and engaged, covering: gender artificiality and authenticity; how we respect and love all in our community; how Quakers might act to understand and support transgender equality; how the law reconciles inclusion and protections; and the tension between imposed gendered behaviour and relating to our bodies.
We set up this meeting carefully, with a commitment to it being a safe space. A very challenging contribution showed the real difficulty of this. It was important for everyone to speak their truth without fear, and to hear each other with love. Later, participants talked about how their perspectives had been changed by what they had heard.
We’re grateful to those who worked so hard to ensure the meeting was held in a right spirit. Overall the conduct was respectful, measured and moderate. The disruption that occurred is being addressed. Feedback was positive and appreciative. To follow Isaac Penington, ‘Our life is love, and peace, and tenderness; and bearing one with another, and forgiving one another, and not laying accusations one against another; but praying one for another, and helping one another up with a tender hand.’ Enrich Yearly Meeting, Friends, be full of care for each other.
