Tony Philpott. Photo: Friends who gathered for the Quaker Universalist Group conference.
‘Restorative work involves sharing stories, making connections and building empathy.’
‘Tenderness; Bearing one with another; Forgiving one another.’ These words, imprinted on glass at Woodbrooke, formed the theme of this year’s Quaker Universalist Group conference. Jill Marshall reports
Every time we hear The Lord’s Prayer we are reminded of our need to forgive and to be forgiven. Hazel Nelson, in her introduction to the conference, suggested that we are brought up to believe that forgiveness is a ‘good thing’ and taught that we ought to forgive. But we need to look further, to avoid a struggle with guilt and reach a form of forgiveness that is achievable.
Hazel set out three reasons why we should forgive. The first is a religious obligation, a commandment from God that should be obeyed. The other reasons are the moral and the practical: forgiveness can be beneficial for the perpetrator, the victim and society as a whole.
But there are so many questions. Should consideration of the victim have preference over the perpetrator? Should we always try to forgive? Does forgiveness include reconciliation? Is repentance necessary? How do I forgive myself? A thoughtful reflection, therefore, soon reveals many questions of a complex nature – and this is before mentioning the powerful feelings that direct the way behaviour unfolds.
Peter Varney is a retired Anglican priest, an anthropologist and a Quaker. He spoke of forgiveness from a Jewish perspective, through their sacrificial system. For the Israelites the purpose of sacrifice was to acknowledge God’s domain, to seek his forgiveness and bring about reconciliation. Ancient Israel perceived itself as a holy community surrounded by evil forces which would plague the community unless forgiveness was sought.
The Jewish idea of sacrifice was taken up in some parts of Christianity. For example, Saint Augustine developed the belief that human beings cannot save themselves from the effects of original sin: forgiveness comes only by Christ’s sacrificial death. But not all atonement theories are based on understanding ‘the fall’ and ‘original sin’. For example, Peter Abelard in the twelfth century taught that God’s unqualified love was so strongly revealed through the life and death of Jesus that a corresponding response in humankind is aroused.
Liz Gulliford spoke next. She is a senior lecturer in positive psychology at the University of Northampton. She took a degree in theology and religious studies before moving to psychology. ‘The psychological approach to forgiveness’ was the title of her talk.
She quoted some definitions of forgiveness. According to Joseph Butler forgiveness is ‘the forswearing of resentment’, the casting away of negative feelings. Rebecca North says forgiveness is the overcoming of negative affect and judgement towards the offender. Liz said that forgiveness is not excusing, condoning, forgetting, pardoning or reconciling – though it may lead to reconciliation.
Two ways of promoting the ‘how’ of forgiveness were suggested. The first more cognitive approach is ‘reframing’, seeing the offender and his/her context in a different light. The second or ‘empathetic’ approach involves recalling hurts in a safe supporting environment, empathising with how the offender feels, reflecting on how you have offended others and committing yourself to, and holding on to, forgiveness.
It is acknowledged, though, that it may be difficult to empathise with how an offender might be feeling. At what point do we say forgiveness is not possible? Perhaps only God can forgive in these cases? People discern the limits themselves and this is illustrated by the parents of Stephen Lawrence: Neville has been able to forgive the killers of his son while Doreen has not. Psychology can help with how to forgive and provide some of the tools, but this may not be enough.
During the weekend three valuable breakout group sessions were held. So many features that make up forgiveness were raised – the personal, historical and current issues we face today. Our inquiry flowed in both religious and practical terms. It is a subject that touched us all, the discussion at times challenging but also rewarding.
Tim Newell spoke on Saturday afternoon on his career as a prison governor and his work on restorative justice. He helped to establish the Quaker initiative Circles of Support and Accountability, now an independent charity.
Tim explained that restorative justice is in complete contrast to traditional justice. Traditional questions in the justice setting ask what happened, who is to blame and what is the appropriate response to deter and possibly punish those at fault. Restorative justice asks what happened, who has been affected, how can we involve everyone who has been affected in finding a way forward, how can everyone do things differently in the future and what would it take to make things right.
Restorative work involves sharing meaningful stories, making connections and building empathy. Emphasis is placed on personal stories, since their purpose is self-reflection and making sense of one’s life. This understanding can lead to a deep experience of forgiveness.
On Saturday evening the award-winning film The Imam and the Pastor was screened. It is an uplifting documentary that tells an inspirational story of forgiveness and a successful initiative to rebuild two Nigerian communities thrust apart by religious differences and war.
The Yorùbá of Nigeria and the Iban of Sarawak were the subject of Peter Varney’s second talk. In these traditional cultures communities seek forgiveness by making offerings and sacrifices in atonement for collective actions. Western missionaries introduced the notion of individual guilt and ‘original’ sin, but this is an alien idea to these peoples, and there is little sense of the need for individual forgiveness.
The most important aspects of Yorùbá life are the rituals identified with supernatural beings that are evident in features of the landscape. For the Yorùbá heaven is close to earth. Sins can be transferred onto a sacrificial offering to purify the community; sacrifice is used to reconcile with the spirits and through the offering of blood life can be restored.
Many of the Iban still live in longhouses in non-hierarchical communities where all work together for the common good. With no written language they maintain their heritage through memory and experience. The community is placed at the centre of their world and blends both humans and spirits in a comparatively unbroken line. Their belief that everything is imbued with spirit is close to a panentheistic understanding that the divine is present in and through all things but at the same time is transcendent of everything and the source of all. There are many echoes of Quakerism. George Fox’s journal tells us he ‘knew experimentally’ how God had spoken to him. Quakers also put a strong emphasis on equality and being part of the community of their Local Meeting. Quakers emphasise the importance of their worship, but only as part of a whole way of life.
The talks at the conference will be made available in audio form on the QUG website: https://qug.org.uk.
