Quakers come through
Trish Carn tells of the support she recieved from Pennsylvanian Quakers
Recently I lost my son Peter, who lived in the US. My family in Pennsylvania is not Quaker, despite the state having been founded by William Penn. However, aware that there was a Quaker Meeting in York, Pennsylvania, I emailed them: ‘Can you help me hold a Memorial Meeting for my son on one of the dates I would be in the US?’ Now, this was a somewhat strange request as they didn’t know me from Eve (they could probably tell me from Adam!). Fairly soon I had a response from York Meeting that they could and would help me and they offered either the Thursday afternoon or anytime Friday when one of their elders would be available. We chose Thursday afternoon at 3pm so that any of Peter’s workmates who wished could come after their shift ended.
The preceding evening, I went to the Meeting’s discussion group to see the Meeting house and to meet Lamar, the elder who would be in attendance. Their Meeting house is far older than my local Meeting, which has only recently celebrated its fortieth birthday. York Meeting House was built in 1766 and in 1783 was enlarged to have a separate room for the women. It is a very plain building with rough wooden panelling, wooden floor and benches. In the latter quarter of the twentieth century, water was brought into the building so they could have a small kitchen area and toilet. The building suited me just fine, but my American family was used to fancier churches and I wasn’t sure what they would think. My nieces are Catholic and my ex-husband and his wife are Mormon. Of my children who flew to the States with me, two are Quakers and one has joined the Methodist Church.
I am afraid my mind wouldn’t concentrate on the discussion group so I can’t remember the topic, but I was pleased at the knowledge and presence of the elder as he led the group. Over tea he asked me if I had ever heard of Quaker Quest, which they are holding this spring. I was pleased to reply that my Area Meeting had developed it.
The day of the Memorial Meeting arrived. My daughter and one of my nieces went to buy food for afterwards, my ex-husband and his wife arrived and general chaos reigned. My middle daughter and I got a lift to the Meeting house at 2pm as I wanted to be sure everything was ready (that’s the warden in me). I was delightfully surprised that several people were preparing food they’d brought and readying the Meeting room. A member of the Meeting realising there were no flowers, went out and bought them – they served for Sunday as well!
It was good that I’d gone early as, at 2.15, straight from the end of their 2pm shift at Caterpillar Inc (a heavy machinery warehouse), came nineteen of Peter’s workmates. They had seen copies of the sheet about Quaker funerals but none of them knew anything about Quakers except possibly mention of William Penn in school.
They all marched in like a receiving line, gave me a hug, signed the remembrance book and went and sat in the Meeting room. Since the rest of my family was not due until much closer to 3 o’clock, I felt that I had to ‘entertain’ them. I went in, sat down and chatted with them. The union president handed me a large gilded Catholic Bible.
When the Meeting began, Lamar introduced the ‘format’. I spoke first because I felt moved to do so. What the visitors thought of the building I don’t know, but from comments afterward, they were impressed by the worshipful silence and the spoken messages. Of Peter’s workmates who attended, three felt comfortable enough to speak. Later one told my nephew, who also works at Caterpillar, that he had been impressed by the Meeting and that speaking had been almost cathartic for him. It certainly was for me and I am indebted to the members of York (Pa) Meeting who stepped out of their daily lives to meet the need of an unknown Quaker from London to remember her son with his American family and friends.
We have since held a Memorial Meeting in London for the family and friends on this side of the Atlantic. The family and I have been upheld by cards and messages from many Quaker friends.
Thanks for the family of friends that is Quakerism.
See Eye for more on how Friends have supported another family in trauma.
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