Quakers and conflict
Abigail Maxwell reflects on unity and conflict
Quakers should approach conflict in Meeting positively and as an inevitable part of life. We should not seek it out, but we should welcome it. When we reveal what is in our hearts, what grows out of our individual life experience, openly and honestly, we are bound to disagree. If people are scared of confrontation, resentment can build and break out later. In 1662 Edward Burrough exhorted Friends:
…to proceed in the wisdom of God, not in the way of the world, as a worldly assembly of men, by hot contests, by seeking to outspeak and over-reach one another in discourse as if it were controversy between party and party of men, or two sides violently striving for dominion…
Quaker faith & practice 2.87
This shows he saw such passion in Quakers – passion we still have.
We have different views and desires, and even different leadings. My Friend is a councillor, and expressed the view that we should not give to beggars. I quoted pope Francis, saying we should. We disagreed, and had both reached our positions after considering the matter and seeking to learn about it. It might appear so, but this is not some binary, either/or, position. We came together and discussed it, reaching a greater depth of understanding of the nuances of this insoluble problem, and of each other’s views, growing in respect for each other. This is a fine Quaker way.
I am a trans woman. At Yearly Meeting I met a radical feminist Quaker who put it to me that someone perceived as a man should not enter women’s intimate spaces, such as toilets. Such arguments are strongly expressed in the wider community, especially on the internet. The general view in society is that I should be treated as a woman. Quakers have a more nuanced perspective. There were signs on the disabled toilets that non-binary people should leave them for disabled people, and use the non-gendered toilets in the basement. The radical feminist Friend expressed the hope that Quakers might bridge that divide. I hope we can, but not by denying strong feelings and disagreement.
While I am firmly on the left in politics, I know Conservative-voting Quakers. You do too, though some of them are shy about it, as more of us are on the left and some express that strongly. A Friend told me her son was not in the Society, but his Socialist Workers Party principles mirrored her Quaker ones.
Another Friend said: ‘You aren’t telling me you want Jeremy Corbyn negotiating Brexit?’ I felt he spoke derisively, even contemptuously. These things matter. We have strong feelings, perhaps stronger because we have such little influence. It seemed me that he was repeating what he had read, rather than thinking for himself. These are my perceptions, which may arise from my strong disagreement and even some self-righteousness. I like to think of myself as a good person.
Unity is not unanimity. No one has a veto. Yet there is an American Quaker phrase: ‘I am led to stand in the way.’ As in the film 12 Angry Men, where one juror leads the other eleven to a not guilty verdict, a single Friend may be right. Recognising that all others want a particular decision, they still oppose it, feeling this the leading of God. In the silence, can we reach unity in the loving purposes of God? Sometimes two Friends will express contrasting views and then another will find a way between, a synthesis of the two. I continue to go to Business Meetings in part because of memories of such occasions, of a change of the atmosphere in the room, when great tension dissipates and there is an unspoken collective ‘Yes’. Clerks should discern unity; sometimes it is obvious. Edward Burrough exhorts us:
…in the wisdom, love and fellowship of God, in gravity, patience, meekness, in unity and concord, submitting one to another in lowliness of heart, and in the holy Spirit of truth and righteousness all things [are] to be carried on; by hearing, and determining every matter coming before you, in love, coolness, gentleness and dear unity; – I say, as one only party, all for the truth of Christ, and for the carrying on the work of the Lord, and assisting one another in whatsoever ability God hath given.
Quaker faith & practice 2.87
It is difficult. But it is possible.
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