Quaker etiquette: a rough guide
A (very) rough guide to Quaker etiquette for the Yearly Meeting newcomer
This last Britain Yearly Meeting (BYM), held in London 28 to 31 May, (in case you’ve been out of touch for awhile) was my first. It was probably the most momentous Quaker occasion I have attended. Ireland Yearly Meeting, my old stomping ground, is a much smaller, albeit perfectly formed, affair. So, as I cycled down to Euston on Friday evening, I was buzzing with excitement – it would, I assumed, be like the start of Harry Potter where the boy wizard is finally surrounded by people of his own type and doesn’t feel so alone and bitter about his rubbish family. Not that my family is rubbish, I hasten to add.
From about half a mile away I started a quick self-marked round of ‘spot the Quaker’. It went like this: ‘Sandals?… check… jute bag?… check… T-shirt promoting worthy cause?… check… fabulous beard?… check.’ Once in session, I could barely contain myself. I was overwhelmed by a) the size of the room; b) the fact that it was filled; c) the sheer profusion of beards, magnificent.
So – the meat of the situation – having been invited to look at the assembled masses with a fresh eye, as if they were a newly discovered Amazonian tribe, what can I offer in the way of guidance to the Yearly Meeting newcomer in order that they avoid total confusion, cannibalism or nomination to the nominating group?
A (very) rough guide to Quaker etiquette for the Yearly Meeting newcomer:
1. Salmon pink and purple are the colours to be seen in at Quaker gatherings. Suits aren’t appropriate; we aren’t Presbyterians. A tie is likely to make you a lonely wallflower.
2. Sans tee-shirt-or-bag-promoting-worthy-cause you are nothing.
3. Quakers won’t take a leaflet just to give you break because they’re so conscious of excess paper usage. (Try getting rid of fifty Yearly Meeting Gathering flyers within half an hour!)
4. People are not keen on the pink paint in the Large Meeting House (probably because it clashes with so many outfits, see point 1).
5. Other people don’t like ministry about the paint in the Large Meeting House. Don’t go there.
6. The speech-to-text service makes amusing mistakes – like on Saturday morning, when ‘Faith and Practice’ became ‘Fatal Practice’, not a name change the publications group has yet considered, I believe. It is not good form to laugh.
7. Nor is it the done thing to chuckle when a name called out for nominations is rapidly followed by a very irate ‘unwilling!’, and quite possibly a swift conjugal shin-kicking.
8. Contrary to everything you’ve been told before, socks and sandals are a fantastic combination – roomy, lightweight and comfortable.
9. People will use acronyms, and it will confuse you. I tried to throw a few of my own into conversation just to show I was no fly-by-night Young Friend rookie – for example. ‘QPSW you say? Well, I was at the QAMOJ* convention only last week, but really it was nothing compared to the QUAPP** protest camp of 2001’.
10. In true ‘pass notes’ tradition:
Do say: ‘That’s a lovely jute bag you have there, which worthy cause is it promoting?’
Don’t say: ‘Mmm, I really like the colour of the walls in here.’
* Quakers Against the Misuse Of Jute
** Quakers United Against Pink Paint
Comments
At last! Something in the Friend that has made me LOL
By John & Sally B on 10th June 2010 - 20:00
I laughed a lot at BYM but I always laugh at Quakers and all things Quakerly. It is lovely to see the Lightness and humanity in worship of Meeting big or small.
By ameliaschaferutherford on 11th June 2010 - 10:21
Thank you, the Friend, for publishing a rough guide to Quaker etiquette by Siobhan Haire. I haven’t chuckled so much at a Quaker text since reading Much Madder.
By Annette W on 13th June 2010 - 18:23
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