‘One Friend said it was the first time in a long while she had felt a part of the Meeting.’ Photo: by Tim Marshall on Unsplash
Post-pandemic: Alison Parkes on how Friends in her Meeting set about reconnecting
‘What is important for our Meeting right now is the quality of our shared life together.’
Like many Meetings, we have felt a deep need to reconnect with one another since the lockdowns. We considered a Quaker Quest programme, but came to realise that what is important for our Meeting right now is the quality of our shared life together. Advices & queries 18 indicates that this will only develop as we enter, with tender sympathy, into the joys and sorrows of each other’s lives. We must seek to know one another in the things that are eternal. A small steering group was asked to explore how we might proceed.
We sensed that, for some Friends, a kind of lethargy had descended over the Meeting. We began by listening carefully to what Friends said. We heard about the importance of sharing our personal experiences of the pandemic. At least one Friend said that until we can unpack our feelings and experiences, we won’t truly be able to move on. We have all been through two extremely difficult years; the pandemic has taken its toll and meant that we have hardly been able to see one another. We recognised the deeply-felt need of many Friends to connect, or re-connect, with one another.
We chose to explore the question ‘What nourishes you?’ over several months, with conversations about our lockdown experiences as a starting point. Perhaps other Friends might find it useful to hear about our approach.
Two Friends facilitated the first session, taking turns to introduce each section. We were able to do this on a Saturday afternoon, following Area Meeting. We also took a shortened version of the session to Local Meetings, for those who couldn’t attend Area Meeting.
In the introduction to the session we asked Friends to offer as much of themselves as possible. We weren’t offering to ‘fix’ anything: we are not counsellors, we are all simply listeners. We asked Friends to get into pairs, taking it in turns to speak and listen. We reminded Friends to share only what they felt comfortable to share; whatever we shared was confidential – we needed to respect people’s personal stories. (A general principle is that it is OK to share ideas, but personal stories need permission.)
It was important to stress that there were no right or wrong answers. We suggested that if anyone found a question hard, they could adapt it and share something else. Again we emphasised the value of listening carefully to one’s partner, which could trigger a surprising response. While we hoped it would be rewarding for Friends to share their personal experiences, we pointed out that listening could be the most important thing they could do.
Here is an outline of what we did – we hope it may be useful or adaptable enough to suit your Meeting. Our shortened version used just one warm-up question, with the main question in pairs, and then worship-sharing.
Session outline
1. Silent worship of ten minutes, with a reading from Quaker faith & practice 23.48: ‘God comes to us in the midst of human need, and the most pressing needs of our time demand community in response… How can I learn the sanctity of each life unless I live in a community where we can be persons not roles to one another?’
2. Five-minute warm-up question, in pairs. The first was: ‘What is your favourite time of day – and your worst?’
3. Second warm-up question (after switching partner): ‘What helps you to feel calm/relaxed?’
4. Sharing experiences of the pandemic. Before we moved into this, we thought it might be helpful for Friends to bear in mind one Quaker’s comment on our attitude to dementia, which could equally apply to our experience of Covid-19: ‘The relentlessly positive attitude of Friends, our need to see the good in every situation, sometimes denies us the reality of pain.’ We acknowledged that some experiences could be painful. We asked Friends to be tender with one another as they shared, and to only share what felt comfortable.
The two questions, over twenty minutes, were ‘How did the pandemic affect you?’ and ‘What helped you to cope?’
We then took a fifteen-minute tea-break.
5. Further questions, in groups of four. There were two questions here, over a total of twenty minutes. We asked Friends to ensure that each of them had a turn. ‘What was a low point for you during lockdown?’ ‘Can you take something positive from your experience of lockdown? (It’s okay to say no!).’
6. Worship-sharing for twenty minutes. This was a time for us to reflect on the question ‘What has your experience of the pandemic taught you about this Meeting and our life as a community?’ There was no obligation to speak. Friends spoke as if in ministry, and we closed with a period of silent worship.
7. Silent worship for ten minutes with a reading from Quaker faith & practice 10.03: ‘Our sense of community does not depend on all professing identical beliefs, for it grows from worshipping together, knowing one another, loving one another, accepting responsibilities, sharing and working together. We will be helped by tried and tested Quaker methods and procedures, but the meeting will only live if we develop a sense of community, which includes children and adults alike. If all those who belong to our meeting are lovingly cared for, the guidance of the spirit will be a reality. The celebration and commemoration of life’s great events draw us together as we share the occasion and rejoice or mourn with one another.
‘Our shared experience of waiting for God’s guidance in our meetings for worship and for church affairs, together with careful listening and gentleness of heart, forms the basis on which we can live out a life of love with and for each other for those outside our community.’
The feedback we had was encouraging. One Friend said it was the first time in a long while she had felt a part of the Meeting. Another said that this was the first time she’d been able to offload her experience of the pandemic as an NHS worker and as a mother. Following our next Area Meeting, others in our steering group plan to ask Friends to explore the question ‘What nourishes you?’
Our hope is that we will truly start to get to know one another better in many ways, including the things that are eternal. Eventually we may feel ready to reach out to our wider community with a Quaker Quest programme, but for now we are rebuilding our Meeting, and gaining strength in the process.
Comments
An excellent article. In my view, not served well by the bizarre photo.
By ljkerrsheff@gmail.com on 21st July 2022 - 20:32
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