Our dark side

Maureen Anderson reflects on coming to terms with our demons

Talking with a friend I mentioned that, as a Quaker, I was aware of my dark side. She was confused and disturbed. To me it is self-evident. Faced in my early twenties with a situation that threatened my very identity and which left me bipolar, I have some insight into my dark side. Under stress, my brain now churns out fantasies. I am unable to stop the flow without the aid of medication. I normally function as a rational, caring and creative person and regard my brain aberrations as only a part of my core being.

Aware of my dark side, I realise it contains anger, the ability to hurt others, to be contemptuous and to have the capacity to destroy. I believe I have been given free will as to how I use these emotions.

Sitting in a Meeting for Worship, embraced with God’s love and the support of my fellow worshippers, I am empowered to seek ways in which to deal with such negativity. The anger I feel about injustice leads me to explore ways of channelling this and to work towards positive changes in situations.

With regard to hurting others, I think we are all guilty of this to a greater or lesser degree. In our recent Meeting discussion group we looked at forgiveness. It is something that has troubled most of us, whether it be in relation to others or, indeed, ourselves.

We concluded that it was the only way to move on, enabling us to relinquish resentment and bitterness so clearing the pathways to again reflect God’s love in our lives.

Contempt is something I abhor. I was, and am, appalled at the level at which I expressed this when my identity was threatened. It is against all I hold dear amongst Quakers – equality and respect. It is a demon I have a need to come to terms with.

The development of nuclear weapons gives us power to destroy life on earth. It is a matter of grave concern for world leaders. Is it always wrong to destroy life? I think not. It does place upon us a responsibility for putting adequate safeguards in place, as it does when we use antibiotics and pesticides, or when we ask a vet to put a sick animal to sleep. I am in favour, too, of assisted dying, providing there are adequate safeguards in place.

It does seem to me that our purpose here on earth is to learn to control our dark side and, in seeking ‘that of God’ in others, it is something we can learn to understand and address. I was deeply inspired by two letters written by prisoners published in the Prison Phoenix Trust newsletter, each saying they believed in a force which urged all to seek better ways of living.

It is this force that I associate with God’s love, and why I want Him in my life and am moved to honour Him in worship.

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