Opening up the heart
Raymond Mgadzah asks some Friends about their attitude to prayer
Prayer, for many faith communities, is an essential part of their spiritual life. It is important, also, for many Quakers, but has always been a concept that can stir strong emotions. It still does.
How would Friends define prayer? How important is it to them? How do they pray? Where does it fit in to their spiritual lives? Some Friends kindly agreed to answer a series of questions about prayer. Their answers were revealing.
For some, the very notion of prayer is, itself, problematic. Jan Arriens summed up a widely held concern: ‘I am surprised at how irritated I feel by these questions. Prayer is not a word that features in my spiritual lexicon.
‘It has an old fashioned ring to it as it assumes some kind of anthropomorphic entity to which one prays. That is why we, nowadays, much more frequently say “holding in the light.”’
A state of communion
Friends have different definitions of prayer. Despite his reservations, Jan reflected that prayer is: ‘a state of communion in which we seek discernment and extend compassion. But it’s not a word I generally use or would apply to the way I try to lead my life.’
Leslie Furmann said: ‘Prayers tend to be based on a misunderstanding of our relationship with God. There are many postulated Gods and conflicting belief systems. All cannot be right. I think that none are right, being based on a fundamental human tendency to think of the superhuman in human terms. God is usually thought of as a being, an entity rather than as a different originating energy.’
Leslie’s concerns about prayer go deeper than this. He explained: ‘Do prayers to God work? Probably not! Misfortune, disease, illness, pestilence, poverty, suffering and war persist, despite the earnest prayers of multitudes over millennia. These facts do not support the concept of a personal loving God. We need to look at what is real, not indulge in wishful thinking.’
Jennifer Kavanagh echoed Jan’s views: ‘I used to have a problem with the concept of prayer, until I came to the definition of prayer as attention, as a spacious place in which to listen, to receive, align myself with God’s will. An act of will and faith: intention.’
Another Friend, Jane Holmes, offered this definition of prayer: ‘As a connection with something very deep and undefinable both within me and in the world. It can be discovered through meditation, Meeting for Worship, music, dancing, walking in the hills and at the moment standing on the deck looking out to sea as far as the eye can see. Also in loving contact with other people, through laughter and tears.’
A real encounter
Rex Ambler, like many Friends, has changed his ideas on prayer over the years: ‘I hesitate to use the word, although what it represents, to my mind, is very important. I was brought up to think of it, and practise it, as “talking to God.” That meant talking as I would to another person, only seriously and with respect – and with the faith that there is someone out there listening to me!
‘I now see that as a profound misunderstanding. It would divert me from a real encounter with the God who is the source of my being and of all being. So, to address God with honesty and integrity, I must let go of my notions of what God might be and open myself up, inwardly, to the mystery behind everything. And that “opening up” is, to me, what prayer essentially is.
‘It is, therefore, very close to “meditation”. If there is a difference, I would say that prayer is an “opening of the heart” to reality and meditation is a way of bringing the mind to bear on it. The two, of course, belong together, especially in Quaker practice.’
Gordon Steel, who admitted that his views on prayer had also changed over the years, said: ‘I see the concept of prayer as covering a wide range – from simple prayers in words (written or extempore) to wordless prayers and the activity that is now called mindfulness. I do not claim to do that well in Meeting.’
He explained: ‘I would say that some people pray using words, but many do not. These days I do not pray using words. I have long-since felt that it is wrong to think that we can ask God for things.’ The idea of ‘connection’, for Jane Holmes, is ‘everything.’ She said: ‘I meditate sometimes wordlessly but at other times with a concern lodged in my mind.’
‘My prayer life’, Allan Holmes revealed, ‘started very early in my life’. It was transformed, he explained, on a specific day on 29 June 1964 when ‘I was given the spiritual gifts of Healing and Tongues.’
Allan said that these two gifts, for him, complement each other: ‘I have seen the Spirit bring comfort and healing to many: some apparent miracles. I say this as a scientist. The Tongue frees me from thinking. I can use it anytime and anywhere; whenever I feel the nudge to pray for somebody.’
Good preparation
The question of how one prays had a variety of responses. Rex Ambler emphasised the importance of good preparation: ‘I try to get into a state of mind where I can be genuinely open; that is, not preoccupied with my immediate affairs, and, in particular, not taken up with my personal interests, valid though those may be.
‘What really hinders prayer, I find, is the ego. So, I have to be still and quiet for some time, maybe ten minutes, to relax and stay awake at the same time. Then I can slowly (or suddenly, just occasionally) become aware of the reality in which my life is set.
‘If I find this difficult, I might do something to help me, like repeat a mantra (“be still and know that I am God” or “I am here now, with you”), hum to create a vibration in my head, walk around the room very slowly, or follow my breath meticulously, as the Buddhists do.’
Jennifer Kavanagh said that she prays ‘in surrender.’ She explained: ‘Silently, in stillness. Not word-based, either mentally or aloud. Allowing myself to be prayed through. Sometimes, in desperation, it will be a more active asking to be shown the way – but not asking for outcomes. How can we know what they should be? Adoration, wonder, contemplation. Being in loving relationship.’
Despite a reluctance to use the word ‘pray’, and the different ways in which Friends engage in and with it, there was broad agreement that prayer is crucial to their spiritual life. Jennifer Kavanagh said: ‘It is central to my life, in attempting to be open to guidance in all that I do and am.’
Rex Ambler explained: ‘I feel prayer brings me into line with reality. It grounds me. It makes me realise who I am, who others are. It helps me realise that I belong to the universe, that I am, essentially, part of everything and not something apart. It connects me inwardly with people I feel close to, people in need or in crisis.’
Perhaps it is unsurprising that Friends, also, offer a variety of answers as to how often they pray. Rex said: ‘Twice or thrice a day. Before breakfast and supper are the best times, I find, because I am then more likely to be fully awake.
‘I often pray, or meditate, at night, too, when I happen to wake up. It helps sleep, but it also allows me to explore depths that I rarely touch in the daytime. The “night thoughts” are a springboard for meditation on life and the opening up of the heart.’
Periods of contemplation
Early Friends were critical of those people in the established church who felt that they had ‘done their Christianity’ by attending a service on Sunday morning. Quakers have always felt, passionately, that faith and witness should be part of a ‘way of life’. It is the same with prayer. Jennifer Kavanagh believed that prayer should not be restricted: ‘I try and make prayer a part of all I do all the time.’ She explained, however, that she had ‘more withdrawn periods of contemplation early in the morning and last thing at night’ and did ‘collect myself at odd moments during the day.’
Leslie Fuhrmann said that his concept of prayer is connected to his notion of God. He said: ‘Scientific research into the Higgs Boson theory led, in July 2012, to the view that the universe consists of four per cent solid matter, twenty-seven per cent gravitational forces, the remaining sixty-nine per cent being a mysterious “dark energy” that scientists cannot identify.’
‘I think of that sixty-nine per cent as being God: energy pervading the universe, in everything, in matter, in each one of us. Quakers have felt this since 1656 when George Fox said “Walk cheerfully over the world, answering that of God in everyone.”
‘So “God stuff” – universal dark energy – is everywhere, in everything, in everyone. We all have some to use at our free will and initiative. To use it ourselves, not by passing the buck in prayer for God to do our will – “Please God, do this, that or the other,” but by using our personal share of our God-given energies to bring about changes.’
Silence
There was a difference, Friends explained, between the nature of prayer that is undertaken alone and the experience of prayer in the company of others.
Rex Ambler spoke about how prayer in a gathered Meeting affected him: ‘In Meeting I am more aware of the others and seeking a sense of unity with them. I see it, then, as our opening up to God: the light within and the God beyond. I see us as “holding one another in the light,” which, I think, is a distinctively Quaker approach to prayer.’ Jennifer Kavanagh said: ‘In Meeting, worship is deepened if I am acutely aware of the others in the room. The relationship is triangular, inclusive of the others.’
The weight given, among Friends, to the value of silence was, unsurprisingly, widely expressed. Jennifer Kavanagh believed silence was ‘crucial’ while Rex Ambler stated: ‘Silence is part of what prayer is, as I understand it’; and Jane Holmes admitted: ‘In fact, words get in the way – especially other people’s words.’
Rex added: ‘All the techniques or aids are meant only to help me to get beyond them to a silence and stillness where I can really become aware of life as a whole. Words and images simply cannot convey that final mystery of our life; so, we have to learn to let go of them. I’ve learnt that from the Desert Fathers as well as the early Quakers.’
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