‘The progress we achieved through simple Quakerly processes was very encouraging.’
Open door policy: Fred Ashmore on how London Quakers created a safe space for conversation
‘There was a good deal of deep discussion and discernment.’
Quakers, we hope, can speak their mind among Friends, and feel safe to do so. But this has not always been the case. The contentious matters of sex and gender, for example, have been difficult to approach for some, and so London Quakers have endeavoured to provide a space in which Friends can feel safe to talk about these issues.
The Gender Equality Act of 2010 set important foundations for recognising ‘protected characteristics’. But in 2018, when consultation opened on changes to the Gender Recognition Act of 2004, we witnessed campaigning for and against change, featuring much strife, and a good deal of pain and unkindness. This was true of a Quaker conference at Woodbrooke in January 2019, which covered issues of equality. In 2021, Yearly Meeting acknowledged and welcomed gender diversity in our Meetings, and reflected wider consideration of legislation reform in Britain, as well as the associated conflict among Friends in our Yearly Meeting. A polarised discussion showed that we need to keep listening and searching together.
In June 2021, London Friends were encouraged to arrange a Meeting at which Friends who were engaged with these issues could hear each other, and hope to be heard themselves. At that time some Friends felt that they could not express their deeply-held feelings in their Meeting.
Looking around for a theme for the publicity, we came across a simple image of an open door. This brought up a memory of the fine poem ‘The door’, by Miroslav Holub, which encourages people to engage with new experiences (see www.scottishpoetrylibrary.org.uk/poem/door). We put the image and the poem together on a flyer, and called the proposed Meeting ‘To Thine Own Self be True’, which those of us who studied Hamlet will remember as words of advice to the young Laertes. We badged the event as a conversation about gender diversity.
The first of these Meetings was held on Zoom because we were still under Covid rules. Zoom and eldership provided a helpful feeling of safety for emotionally-charged contributions. The event did not go without some hiccups, but I think that nearly all of us came away feeling that we had learned a good deal.
Shortly after our session, Britain Yearly Meeting also considered these issues and agreed a minute, which said ‘With glad hearts we acknowledge and affirm the trans and gender diverse Friends in our Quaker communities, and express appreciation for the contribution and gifts that they bring to our meetings, which are communities made up of people with a diverse range of gender expressions.’ But it also recognised that ‘These discussions and reflections have not always been easy’ and came with ‘associated conflict’.
In order to progress work on mutual understanding and reconciliation, we decided that only Friends who could commit to respectful discussion should be invited to further conversations in our series, for the protection of privacy and to avoid discourtesy and unQuakerly expressions. We decided to establish principles for participants who wanted to register. We added a period of silence between speakers for us all to reflect and consider our possible response. We looked to gather questions and reflections, without trying to provide answers and solutions, even though several participants felt they had them available.
In the third of these Meetings, in March 2022, we contacted those who had taken part in the two previous events and solicited their questions as part of the registration process. This yielded a good harvest, with questions thoughtfully framed. During the Meeting (again held on Zoom) there was a good deal of deep discussion and discernment, but we did not find ourselves led to unity or a fixed position on the various questions – though there were responses and comments about all of them. This was where the idea of an epistle started to take shape, as we considered how we might collectively respond. A lot of work was done to capture the various questions and respond to them to the best of our ability. It seemed to come together quite well, but obviously needed serious threshing before we could present it as a shared expression of the views.
Our fourth meeting was held in March 2023, and we felt confident enough to hold a blended Meeting. Looking back on the experience, I still relish the feeling that this was a gathered Quaker Meeting both in-person and online, with some very deep feelings expressed in safety. We took the draft epistle and worked it over section by section, with the group of those participating by Zoom running a parallel process. I felt that we found a remarkable degree of unity, and that we were getting close to a document that nearly all of us could accept. It felt remarkable, considering where we had come from two years before.
We have recently held the fifth of these Meetings (in February of this year) and were impressed and grateful for the draft epistle. It was an excellent piece of work, covering some of the most sensitive and difficult issues that have arisen among Friends. It seems to us a tribute to the Quaker methods of ‘small groups and quiet processes’. At the end of the Meeting we agreed the minute that follows this article.
We do think that the progress we achieved through simple Quakerly processes was very encouraging. But it may not have been a fully representative group, and the work may not be completed. The epistle that we agreed is not in any way a definitive document, but an offering to others who find concerns around these areas of our personal and spiritual lives. The processes through which the epistle developed are, we believe, one model of how to successfully handle some very contentious issues, and arrive at an outcome. The epistle is now with Quaker Life Central Committee, and we hope it will help its members discern a way forward.
Fred is from Kingston Meeting.
Minute from ‘To Thine Own Self be True’, held on 24 February 2024
On 24th February 2024 London Quakers hosted a fifth meeting under the title ‘To Thine own Self Be True’ continuing questions and reflections on sex and gender diversity begun in 2021. Organisers sent an invitation to previous participants in these meetings. Twenty-four Friends gathered at Friends House and online. We sent a draft epistle to all who had registered for the meeting.
The meeting considered the draft epistle in worship and in worship sharing. Friends identified a number of concerns and suggestions for improvement in the draft epistle and in the introductory wording. Those responsible for the drafting took careful note of these, and feel that it will be very possible to address nearly all of them in a redraft, though they do not think it appropriate to undertake a drastic shortening on such complex subjects.
With these changes we believe that the epistle is ‘good enough’ to be sent to Quaker Life Central Committee for consideration and support, and to the clerks of Yearly Meeting Agenda Committee. We look forward to sharing the outcome from this consideration and to our further growth in love.
Signed by Fiona Swift & Fred Ashmore, co clerks.
Comments
Slight correction:
It was the Equality Act 2010, covering nine protected characteristics, not the ‘Gender Equality Act’ as stated in the article.
By Moyra Carlyle on 12th June 2024 - 15:26
Has the Friend any intention of publishing the Epistle referred to throughout this article and the minute?
By Ol Rappaport on 19th June 2024 - 10:10
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