'Neglect your spider plants; don’t worry too much about your bags, and welcome strangers.' Photo: Tor Håkon Haugen / flickr CC.
'Neglect your spider plants; don’t worry too much about your bags, and welcome strangers.' Photo: Tor Håkon Haugen / flickr CC.
The Meeting I usually attend is relatively big and receives a large number of visitors. Often we are asked to donate funds to support other, smaller, Meetings that find it difficult to maintain their activities. This raises at least two questions: are there other ways in which we can support Meetings, and are they all worthy of support? In an attempt to answer these questions I decided to visit other Local Meetings.
So, having tried to visit one Meeting each month for over two years, what, if any, conclusions have I reached? Obviously, it’s impossible to judge the viability of a Meeting on the basis of one visit, but some very small ones can appear lively and viable, and some larger Meetings less viable. Often those that appear to be unviable seem to depend on one dominant Friend who willingly, or unwillingly, does everything.
I think one visit can give a good impression of how a Meeting treats newcomers. I’ve attended Quaker Meetings for several decades, so I know how things are done, but how would I feel if I was a complete newcomer, visiting my first Meeting?
Most Meetings have ‘welcomers’, who greet everyone as they enter, but this is not always so; sometimes visitors have to find their own way in, locate the Meeting room, and, if necessary, the toilets. This problem is particularly prevalent when the Meeting is having an event later in the day. Friends are so busy preparing the shared lunch, or for Area Meeting, or whatever, that no one seems able to spare the time to welcome a stranger. An awful busyness prevails. Strangers squeeze between chattering Friends and fend for themselves.
Welcomers
Perhaps we need to more carefully consider how welcomers greet people as they enter the Meeting. If it is a reasonably big one at least two welcomers are probably needed. It’s always worth giving a visitor a choice of people to speak to. When working in a job that involved dealing with a variety of visitors from all parts of the world I tried to ensure that all visitors were introduced to at least two members of staff, so that if they felt uneasy communicating with one they could talk to another.
Where do the welcomers position themselves? Sometimes they stand at the end of an entrance corridor to the Meeting. This can be daunting. When the weather permits it’s probably better for welcomers to stand outside the front door – so people are welcomed at the earliest opportunity and before they are intimidated by the general chatter. This also makes the Meeting house appear more lively, and may draw in casual passers-by. How lively does your Meeting house come across when seen from the pavement before a Meeting for Worship? Do we appear to be an organisation that positively welcomes newcomers, or do we seem to be an elite group, which doesn’t really want newcomers to enter our premises?
Once visitors reach the Meeting room, the best they can expect is a studious avoidance of any eye contact or any form of welcome. Possibly each Meeting should appoint not only welcomers at the Meeting house entrance, but also another Friend who might give visitors a friendly nod as they take their seats in the Meeting room. Then there’s the problem of knowing where to sit. Sometimes a visitor can get an unpleasant glare from a Friend who finds the seat they have occupied for the last fifteen years taken by a stranger. Be flexible, live adventurously; welcome the stranger and enjoy your Meeting from a different angle.
After Meeting
After Meeting for Worship the clerk, or whoever is dealing with notices, may welcome visitors and ask them to introduce themselves. This is a pleasant gesture, and I’m sure regular attenders do like to know who their visitors are and where they come from. However, it’s not sufficient. A formal welcome, followed by being ignored, is not the way to do things. At one medium-sized Meeting I, and a young man who was attending for a second time, were formally welcomed. Then everyone else dispersed to their own tasks – one of which was trimming the Meeting house’s spider plants – leaving me to talk to the new young man. Since the Meeting was predominately female, and predominately middle-aged, I would have thought that a young male potential Friend might have been given more encouragement. This becomes much easier with practice.
At one Meeting the clerk advised visitors who had any questions to ask the person sitting on their right, who would provide answers or introduce them to someone who could. This seems to be good practice that involves the whole of the Meeting, even its most diffident attenders, in outreach.
At some Meetings there are a high proportion of very elderly members for whom the Meeting might be the highlight of their week. These people need attention, and Meetings are good at providing this, but sometimes the able-bodied are so busy assisting the elderly and less able that no one is left to speak to visitors. I’m not sure how a balance can be reached, but I am sure that older Friends want their Meetings to continue and thrive. This necessitates welcoming and recruiting new attenders.
What to say?
Then there’s the conversation that some people think is appropriate. After one well attended Meeting I was cornered by a Friend who explained at length that the Religious Society of Friends is aging, failing to attract new members, and on the verge of extinction: such monologues are unlikely to encourage new people. (I would suggest that Friends who hold such views should try to visit other Meetings, some of which have a good number of young people and are steadily growing). Another person asked if I thought her Meeting was the best in London; she was sure it was. As there had been no ministry, and most of the people present spent an hour looking grim – there was no feeling of joy – I felt it unwise to pass judgment.
At one Meeting I was pleasantly greeted, and when I introduced myself the greeter responded: ‘I trust your Meeting is a good Bible-based one.’ How many of us feel that we can speak on behalf of our Meetings as a whole when confronted by such a statement? Sometimes it seems as if the people who are most happy to speak to strangers are those who have peculiar axes to grind. If they are, are other Friends aware of this, and, if they are, what does the Meeting as a whole do to try and promote a wider spectrum of Quaker thought?
How easy is it to find Meeting houses? Sometimes there are so many notices about yoga groups and other activities that use our premises that it’s difficult to spot the tasteful, but in need of repainting, notice that informs us of the building’s primary function as a Quaker Meeting house.
Welcome strangers
When we enter our Meeting houses week after week we don’t observe them too closely. We don’t see the dusty cheese plants, the faded book spines in our libraries, and the noticeboards, but visitors notice these things. Perhaps we should regularly ask different non-Friend friends into our Meeting houses and ask them to give an honest appraisal of how they see things. Do our noticeboards display lively information about interesting events, or do rotas, out-of-date news and dog-eared ancient notices dominate?
I believe that the Quaker message is one that many people want to receive today. There is a great need for what we have to offer. We need to be more welcoming to people who venture into our Meetings and who we hope might want to join us on our journey.
Neglect your spider plants; don’t worry too much about your bags, and welcome strangers.
I agree wholeheartedly we need to be more friendly and greet all to our meetings. I have known a meeting that locks the door to anyone who arrives 5 minutes late! Then after 10 minutes wait will let people enter.
By raymond hudson on 28th January 2018 - 12:53
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