My main squeeze: Bob Lovett is holding on

‘Love abounds way beyond the physical.’

Some years ago, before Covid, during an earlier period of national depression, a public-spirited citizen stood on a busy street with a notice offering free hugs. Even before that, during the heady sixties, a dear friend of mine who had become a widower in his middle thirties confessed that the thing he missed most was physical contact with other human beings. This was in Scotland when the emancipation of women was still in its infancy. ‘The problem is’, he said, ‘that our macho culture discourages men from hugging one another, and our Presbyterian roots constrain us from hugging other men’s wives’.

Maybe it’s something to do with my age, but I sense that social mores have mellowed, and the act of hugging has become more evident. But care has to be exercised. Offence can easily be taken. We need to safeguard our vulnerable friends from unwanted attentions, and in some churches, the simplicity of the handshake has been replaced by an overzealous hug, much to the irritation of some worshippers.

So what is it about hugging that makes it attractive to some and not to others, and is it good for the soul? Well, the contexts vary. There are the hugs we give our children and other loved ones, and there are those we give to friends, in private and in public. There are also those we give to strangers who are distressed or sorrowing, where a consoling hug seems appropriate. But in all of these situations there is a unique acknowledgement of the vitality of another human being. For me, a hug is an affirmation of life and a reminder of our interconnectedness and our caring, one for another. For it to work, it needs to be reciprocal. There is nothing worse than engaging in a one-sided hug, so reading the signals from the other person is important.

Is it good for the soul? I believe so, and others appear to agree. After I had entered into the isolation of ‘shielding’ some nine months ago, my dearest Friend said she would rather die hugged than live un-hugged. That sounds like the soul speaking, and although after chronic pneumonia I’m not prepared to go that far, the sentiment does capture the warmth and importance I also attach to the humble hug.

Covid has cast a blight on any form of natural social behaviour. Like many living alone, I have sorely missed hugging my family and friends. Zoom meetings and video chats go only so far, and the digital emoji for a hug is a pathetic reminder of just how much the real thing is missed.

But during Advent I reflected on the outpouring of goodwill evidenced in cards and other messages. On a midnight clear it came to me that love abounds way beyond the physical. It is possible to embrace and be embraced in a much wider sense. So, for those of you who have been forced into being un-hugged, know that there are many, known and unknown, who are embracing you, just as you may be embracing others, equally known and unknown, in the support you give in living out our Quaker testimonies. Embrace is my new hug; the rest is coming.

---

Comments

Many years ago a few of us organised a residential weekend for our Area Meeting. We danced, we sang, we played “trust games” which were very popular at that time. In short we got to know each other in the things which are physical. For months following the event we hugged each others as we arrived for Sunday worship. It was truly preparing hearts and minds for worship.

By john0708 on 14th January 2021 - 10:59

---

Please login to add a comment