Meeting for Sufferings: Final report of Appeal Review Group
The Appeal Review Group reported to Meeting for Sufferings
‘If we are listening to each other, we should be able to reach clarity,’ Beryl Milner told Meeting for Sufferings on 7 April. She is the convenor of the Appeal Review Group – set up in December 2016 to appraise possible amendments to the appeals procedures described in Quaker faith & practice sections 4.25-4.26 – and was speaking to its final report. This was, she said, ‘the result of information-gathering, thought, reflection and prayer’.
Contributors had ‘spoken from their own experiences’ of conflict within Meetings. On occasion this had ‘brought back memories that were painful and distressing’. Conflict can have ‘devastating and lasting affects’.
Beryl Milner said ‘the scaffolding’ on which the process of reconciliation hangs rests on ‘five overarching and essential elements’ the Group had identified that need to apply throughout the process.
These are: that we meet for worship with the expectation of being led by the Spirit; that we should listen carefully to one another and take time for reflection; that communication (especially electronic communication) should be clear and careful; that unnecessary delay is avoiding; and that there is appropriate confidentiality for all concerned.
Quakers can be ‘rather better at listening’ than much of the general population, Beryl Milner suggested. Nevertheless, it was necessary ‘to take care not to rush in to reply’ without reflection and discernment.
Noting that conflict can be between both individuals and Meetings, a Friend said the difficulties involved can ‘sap the Meeting’s strength’.
Another Friend said that ‘the end product of conflict is only the tip of the iceberg’. She added: ‘We are known as a peace church, but there are still rumbles… There is a lot more work for us all to do.’
Friends should be wary of making decisions ‘from our own pain’, she said. She suggested that Experiment with Light could have a significant part to play in the reconciliation process.
A Friend asked for further clarification on what was meant in the report by ‘appropriate external support’? Did this mean professional mediation from outside the Society?
Another Friend was not clear on the extent to which ‘resolution’ is an aspirational term. Further clarity was sought on timescale and what was appropriate in terms of ‘confidentiality’.
One Friend agreed that lack of familiarity with Quaker processes is problematic. A lack of teaching meant an opportunity had become available ‘to pass on skills and knowledge’. He suggested the encouragement of ‘a ministry of teaching’ might help to cultivate improved knowledge and understanding of Quaker ways and processes.
Another Friend said: ‘We could do better about the questions we ask of those applying for membership.’
It was stressed: ‘Most mediators will require as a precursor for mediation that all the parties accept the need for mediation.’
Some people may be reluctant to accept that need because they feel ‘intimidated, bullied… they do not have the energy to enter a formal process’.
A Friend said the Society is ‘not immune’ to such situations. Perhaps the emphasis should be place on conflict ‘navigation’ rather than ‘transformation’.
He added: ‘Don’t make a rule that we subsequently regret… I wouldn’t want us to be hung on our own good intent.’
‘When you don’t know what to do, you tend to do nothing. Even elders and overseers can need support’, a Friend said. Other Friends were ‘out of my depth’ and ‘not confident’ on this issue.
Beryl Milner said in response: ‘We carefully avoided using the word “professional”.’ This might imply an external payment for outside support. She said: ‘We didn’t for a minute think the resources are unavailable within the Society.’
Confidentiality is a difficult area, she agreed: ‘Take advice early. Don’t try to muddle along. There is no shame in asking for support.’
A Friend said: ‘Mediators don’t resolve anything. They enable the parties to resolve things.’ A situation can be changed even if it cannot be fully resolved.
Oliver Waterhouse from Quaker Life talked about the support that is available. ‘Small groups alongside staff offer help,’ he said. The ‘vast majority have experience from a professional background’ in resolving conflict.
He added: ‘We would invite Meetings to have some opportunity to resolve things themselves first.’ Quaker Life ‘works with about four different Meetings a year’ in this area expending ‘easily 100 hours work on one situation’.
He told Sufferings: ‘We try not to set expectations that can’t be met,’ and said threshing Meetings can be helpful in understanding how to use the mediation process. ‘Things could be made worse if it is used incorrectly.
While Quaker Life can be involved at an early stage, there was also a recognition of an increase in mental health issues in Meetings.
Sufferings agreed to forward the minute on the report to Quaker Life Central Committee. The Review Group was laid down.
Comments
I wonder what this sentence means? Is there a connection between the two parts of the sentence?
“While Quaker Life can be involved at an early stage, there was also a recognition of an increase in mental health issues in Meetings”.
I hope I am “listening” - but my “hearing” is poor in this instance. (-:
It is good that Meeting for Sufferings has addressed the issue of conflict between Quakers. Thank you.
By Andrew Roberts on 12th April 2018 - 17:01
I cannot work out from this report whether any amendments in procedures were proposed by the Group and, if so, what they were.
By Peter E on 12th April 2018 - 17:54
Please login to add a comment
