A person silhouetted against a window. Photo: By Sasha Freemind on Unsplash.
Lonely heart: Sanjive Mahandru on dealing with isolation
‘This emotion needs to be felt, and not be ignored.’
Are you lonely?
Did George Fox ever get lonely? He was imprisoned several times; he was in isolation for months – over two years at one time from 1664, so almost six years, in total, if you add his eight imprisonments together.
I know I resist loneliness, consciously or subconsciously, keeping myself occupied with friends or family and our social calendar; keeping ourselves so busy, so as not to feel so lonely. But Fox, like many Quakers at the start of our history, was put in isolation or jail for such a long time. How did they deal with their forced isolation?
They found it within themselves to be quiet; to meditate, to pray. I’m sure that is what happened.
I still remember the story of an Indian freedom fighter, during the colonial times in India. The history from one side is that he is a terrorist; but the other side sees him as a rebel with a cause. In an interview many years later, he was asked: ‘What was the best time of your life?’ His answer was ‘being imprisoned by the British for many years’. He used his time for meditation and quiet, albeit enforced.
Without remembering details or dates, this story stuck in my mind. Wowee, being in prison for a cause was one of the best times of his life!
‘Being lonely while surrounded by family, people or friends – people laughing around you while you feel isolated and alone – can feel particularly hard at this time of the year.’
It came to my mind that time is never wasted…depending on your perspective. As well as using their prison time for prayer, quiet, and meditation, I believe that at least some Quaker prisoners gave their captors love and forgiveness, and the prison guards felt it, consciously or subconsciously.
Being lonely while surrounded by family, people or friends – people laughing around you while you feel isolated and alone – can also happen at this time of the year. This emotion needs to be felt, and given time, and not be ignored. Feeling alone is a great way of understanding yourself. It could be an area of our worship, if we really ponder upon it. When it first happened to me, I felt I was suffering, a suffering I had to bear for many years. But in hindsight, it has built my character, my patience, my strength, and given me a good insight into other people’s lives, as well as a further insight into myself.
Loneliness is such an issue in this country, but we have a ministry for it.
Alone, happy, content – at least, I think, sometimes
