Living well, dying well

Peggy Heeks considers the concept of a ‘completed life’

by Peggy Heeks 22nd July 2016

Given that we are living longer, it’s no surprise that life’s ending has become a major topic of interest. This year it was the theme of Quaker Life Representative Council, and a well-attended discussion during Yearly Meeting, while – waiting in the wings – is a September course at the Woodbrooke Quaker Study Centre in Birmingham: ‘Living Well, Dying Well.’

It is the manner of our death we fear more than death itself. We wish for ‘a good death’ but envisage it differently. It may mean to die with dignity; to be surrounded by family and friends; to have resolved conflicts; to accept rather than fight.

Being mortal by Atul Gawande provided a new perspective, with its overall message that doctors can always take some action, but it may not be desirable. That was confirmed in my years with a hospice chaplaincy team. Dying often became a conflict, with relatives urging doctors: ‘Surely you can do something?’

The patient, however, had often reached another stage, one of letting go. It is an acceptance of death that so often inspires me, and it’s an attitude that is increasing. Some doctors have realised this and use a matrix form that offers a choice of treatment in old age, ranging from major intervention to just making one comfortable. The concept of a completed life is growing.

There has been much discussion of the right to die, sponsored by Dignity in Dying and promoted by Leeds Area Meeting. The Unitarians have already agreed that we have a right to die in some circumstances, but Meeting for Sufferings has not accepted this. Now Leeds has published a collection of articles this year, Assisted Dying: A Quaker Exploration, which shows the complexity of the issues involved. I have come to recognise the mysteriousness of death and that each death has its own story.

…Accepting the fact of death, we are freed to live more fully…

Advices & queries: 30

Quakers in Britain published a booklet this year entitled Love and Loss, which includes practical steps to take as we age. Taking these steps frees us to concentrate on living. It enables us to shift the emphasis from death to life.

Mary Morrison reflects, in Let evening come, that there are fruits of winter, that soul-work can continue to the end. May we join the prayer of saint Ambrose, quoted by Mary, that our later years pass ‘without nightfall upon the spirit’.

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