‘True listening is not a skill to be added on, but an integral element of Quaker practice.' Photo: Book cover of Listening as Quaker Practice, by James McCarthy
Listening as Quaker Practice, by James McCarthy
Author: James McCarthy. Review by Diana Lampen
This little Kindlers book is a gem. It explores listening in depth from a Quaker perspective and draws on many Friends’ experiences.
At the heart of it is the importance of paying close attention without interrupting or trying to fix the other person’s problems.
Again and again I was reminded of an experience I had as a teenager on my own by a lake in the Austrian mountains. I came across an old lady picking wild strawberries. I helped her, and when her basket was full we sat down and she talked and talked. At last she stood up, gave me a hug and went on her way. I didn’t speak German, so hadn’t understood a word, but that wasn’t important. What mattered was that she had someone who let her tell her story, listened intently, and did not interrupt.
Many people have contributed to the booklet with their experiences and wisdom. It emphasises that true listening is not a skill to be added on, but an integral element of Quaker practice. It challenges us as individuals and as Meetings to listen more attentively to the Spirit as part of our Quaker discipline, and to listen to each other as a community. Typical suggestions are: ‘Imagine a nationwide conversation about listening in politics in which everyone took part’ and ‘Listen to understand, not to persuade’. We are encouraged to create a culture of listening, especially to those whose views we don’t share.
There are many activities for Meetings to take part in described at the end of the book. They challenge us to learn how to listen better and open up to the spirit within us all. They offer guidelines for more fruitful discussion and point to the value of methods such as worship sharing, body prayer, ‘listening to the earth’, empathy circles, and spiritual friendship.
We can all feel helpless in the face of someone else’s suffering and not know what to say. The simple answer is that we don’t need to say anything: just be fully present and hold the person in the Light.
Thank you, James and all the contributors, for a wonderful resource.
