If you sit very still…
Tim Newell reviews a powerful and moving account of loss, spiritual restoration and the possibility of transformation
If You Sit Very Still explores the hidden area of traumatic loss, brutality and the restoration of the human spirit. In 1994, twenty-one years after her unexplained disappearance, Lucy Partington’s remains were discovered in the basement of 25 Cromwell Street, Gloucester.
In this open and poetic book Marian Partington, Lucy’s elder sister, reclaims Lucy from the status of ‘West victim’ - one of those murdered by serial killers Fred and Rosemary West - and describes her own healing journey. Through an honest engagement with her experience, and guided by powerful dreams, Marian finds a personal and compassionate response.
She draws on, but is not limited to, Buddhist and Quaker practices. Her inner work lays bare what needs to be faced, accepted and transformed, in order to live with less harm when faced with extreme cruelty. This ongoing, everyday process of self-exploration and mindful interaction with others leads towards profound inner change and outer change, culminating in ten years of restorative justice work in prisons.
The description of her experience is brutally honest and transparent in its disclosure. It is also transformingly beautiful in the poetic descriptions of memories of her sister Lucy. We all have basic human needs in terms of our identity. These needs can provide a structure to help us appreciate Marian’s story. She is now working in a restorative setting with the Forgiveness Project in prisons and the community.
Meaning
Marian describes her writing to be about a search for meaning in that the words, ideas and feelings expressed reflect her need to make some sense of the chaos she and her family experienced. We are given a unique insight into the process of exploring meaning as she describes her search, through Buddhist retreats, of the process of experiencing and expressing deep rage and pain and, through that, to a powerful sense of personal discovery. She discovers a purpose for her life, using the experience with others, and has begun to feel that the world is basically an orderly, just and fair place.
Connectedness
A significant part of Marian’s recovery has involved a strong sense of connectedness - gained through her experience of belonging and community - with the faith communities of Quakers and Buddhists and their practice of silent meditation and worship. She has also been able, through the Forgiveness Project, to meet many offenders and other victims of crime. Her work in prisons is a very powerful witness to the possibility of transformation for many.
Security
The need for security – economic, spiritual, emotional and physical – was worked through during the years of loss and not knowing what had happened to Lucy. Life went on although the family suffered great stress during that time. The news of Lucy’s murder created great disruption in the lives of all the family. Marian’s writing about that time in Salvaging the Sacred is a wonderful tribute to her resilience in the face of extreme trauma with the attendant press interest and the formality of the justice process. Slowly, in this book, we can see how Marian created a secure place for herself and those around her.
Capacity for action
The need to restore the capacity for action has often been a concern for those affected by the trauma of a serious crime. The event and its implications can ‘freeze’ people who may become disempowered through fear and anxiety. Marian realised that the limitations she was feeling were due to the inner world she was experiencing. Through dreams, meditation, retreats and relationships she has shown the capacity to act. This action is best seen in her family relationships, in her wonderful writing and in her work in prisons – going to meet the most damaging people who, she realised, have the same needs but also the same inner rage as she had at times. This realisation and the sense of belonging that the work involves has strengthened her feeling of restored power and autonomy.
Recognition
The last need that we all have is for recognition. This involves respect, acknowledgement, appreciation and a feeling of self worth. Marian feels acknowledged through the contact she has with those working in the justice system and with the many people in prison whose hearts she has touched through her story.
Her story, posted on the website of The F Word, the exhibition of the Forgiveness Project, provides a powerful insight into the possibility of forgiving after an atrocity and of the resilience of the human spirit in the most despairing of circumstances.
Marian Partington has opened her heart to us in this deeply moving and challenging account of her journey towards understanding her experience. She moves from the savage cruelty of her sister Lucy’s murder to the meditative calm of silent retreats using powerful imagery, moving poetry and beautifully descriptive writing. Describing the process of recovery from three traumas – the divorce of her parents when she was twelve, the disappearance of her sister Lucy when she was twenty-six and the realisation of her murder in the home of Fred and Rosemary West in Gloucester when she was forty-six – she has given us a remarkable insight into the process of moving from victim to survivor, from pain and rage to a realisation to ‘just know that your suffering is relieving the suffering of others’.
If You Sit Very Still, Marian Partington, published by Vala Publishing Cooperative Ltd, ISBN 9781908363022 Price: £15.99 + £3.50 postage and packing from the Quaker Centre Bookshop.
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