‘I prepare for death with a relaxed acceptance.’

Waiting room: following a cancer diagnosis, Michael Wright reflects on a life of exploration and discovery

I grew up in a household that was strongly opposed to religious faith. As a teenager I was a troublesome presence in RE lessons. At sixteen I became so confident that I could demolish this house of cards that I set out on a personal programme of research to do so. Then, out of the blue, I had an extraordinary experience. I was overwhelmed by feelings of elation, of joy, of peace, a thrilling feeling of having been taken over by a power beyond myself. I thought the Hound of Heaven had caught up with me.

Within three years I was accepted for ordination in the Church of England. During that time I had another extraordinary experience walking across a parade ground during a lightning storm. I thought that every step I took could be my last. Such was my faith at that time I was elated to be about to discover life beyond death.

For nearly forty years as a priest and hospice chaplain, I ministered to many people as they approached death. I supported bereaved relatives and friends, including some who had remarkable experiences of their loved ones.

I have been through the whole gamut of scepticism, belief, puzzlement, acceptance of mystery, and hearing things I couldn’t explain. I have now come to live comfortably with mystery, with wondering and with not knowing. I accept that it is as natural to die as it is to be born. I am now in the ‘waiting room’, having recently been diagnosed with a rare form of cancer.

Sixty years or so of loyalty to much of the teaching of Jesus, formed by the disciplines of the Anglican and Quaker traditions, I prepare for death with a relaxed acceptance. Words from ‘A song of the living’ by Amelia Josephine Burr express what I feel: ‘Because I have loved life, I shall have no sorrow to die’, apart from the sorrow of leaving family and friends much sooner than I had hoped to. I am grateful for the opportunity to prepare for it, and not be taken without warning.

I no longer share the hope of eternal life which empowered early Friends, but being Quaker has been an enormous support for me. I have not been able in my later years to subscribe to many of the classic doctrines of the Christian faith, but I am glad our tradition is open to those of us who are continuing exploration and discovery. 

In many ways I feel I have been Quaker all my adult life. When I began my training for the Anglican ministry in 1957 I encountered the Quaker Meeting there. The copy of Advices & queries they gave me shaped my ministry as an Anglican for the next forty years, until I came to find I no longer shared the beliefs or the outlook of the Church of England. I have felt at home among Friends, and I am grateful that I can be buried among Friends in the Quaker burial ground in Middlesbrough.

The wisdom, the openness, the acceptance, vision and support of Friends have made an immense difference to my life. I have been changed more in my twenty Quaker years than I was in my forty Anglican years. I offer my warmest thanks to all the Friends I have encountered who have welcomed, encouraged, challenged and supported me.

---

Comments

Lovely to hear from you again Michael and I wish you well in your ‘waiting room’ and beyond. Your Friends at both the NFN (Nontheist Friends Network) and QUG (Quaker Universalist Group) are thinking of you.

By trevorb on 16th October 2020 - 23:24

---

Please login to add a comment