One of my husband’s favourite phrases is ‘trust in the process’ but is that possible when you don’t know what the process is? Photo: Noah Silliman / Unsplash.
How do you “trust in the process” when you don’t know what the process is?
Death do us part? Annie Holliday on funeral by Zoom
Our Friend Gerard Walmesley, a much-loved member of Littlehampton Meeting, died during lockdown. The number of people able to attend the funeral was very limited so Friends in Littlehampton thought they would like to hold a Meeting for Worship at the same time, via Zoom. This was a daunting prospect for a Meeting with a beginners’ understanding of the medium.
But soon we hit on the idea of having flowers and a photograph as one of the Zoom windows. Then it dawned on us that the actual funeral might also be seen that way. We had no idea if it would be possible but we inched forward. Gerard’s daughter Jane gave the elder some written contributions from the family, in case the connection went down.
Next we realised that Friends and family from outside Littlehampton could also be part of the Meeting. Jane sent out invitations and gave us the list of people who would join. I remember it hitting me: How did I, with my very-limited knowledge, end up as ‘technical support’ for such an important occasion? Sleep didn’t come easy that night!
Some family members were unable to join so we had to record the Meeting – another thing to learn. One of my husband’s favourite phrases is ‘trust in the process’ but is that possible when you don’t know what the process is?
When the day arrived I opened the laptop in another room with an hour to spare. My thanks go to the first person to ‘arrive’, who soothed my nerves. We welcomed friends and family from Aberdeen, Dundee, Edinburgh, Chesterfield, Paris, Pennsylvania, New England, Arizona and California. And then the most important ‘window’, looking out at the chapel at Clayton Wood natural burial ground, with a backdrop of the view over the South Downs. I pressed ‘record’ but to my horror the participants’ list showed a red dot beside just my name, so for the whole time I thought I was recording myself! Fortunately this wasn’t true! I then had to be reminded to enable ‘screen sharing’ – another first – but remembered well enough to enable Gerard’s stepson Chris to make his contribution by pre-recorded video from Arizona.
The ceremony at Clayton was beautiful, all the more so because of the wonderful contributions from Gerard’s family. All at the Zoom Meeting could be there ‘in spirit’, which was the next best thing to being there in person; those who were at Clayton said they felt truly supported.
When the ceremony was over the Meeting continued, for ministry and being together in silence. I had spent so much time worrying about the Meeting itself I hadn’t planned for anything afterwards, but the Zoom Meeting transformed itself into a meeting for family and friends, which I hope was therapeutic – it certainly helped me.
One thing that the pandemic has shown me, among others, is to question the essence of what is important in life. For me that is to be ‘together in spirit’, and it is very definitely possible via Zoom.
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