‘I look up and corecct my spleling.’
I came here to write and now I do not know what to say. I am getting hot – a sign of shame. I take off my cardigan. I remove my glasses. I am looking at the keyboard, not the screen. I look up and corecct my spleling.
Does spelling matter, I wondered, as I deleted and typed again? What is it to see the mistakes? To witness the mistakes?
What even is a mistake? Who decided how to spell ‘spell’? How dare they. I think of the children my mum taught, when she released them from spelling. They expressed themselves freely. Joyously. What would I say were I also to express myself joyously and freely? I would say that I hear the hum of the computer, and feel a pain in my heart. I breathe in deep and sit up tall (I was hunched over the keyboard). I close my eyes and see the light of the screen through my eyelids.
(I wish we had another word for light. I am uncomfortable with ‘light’ and ‘dark’ these days. We have a sense of what they are, and light always comes off ‘better’.)
Ah, quotation marks. What is the thing with punctuation? Maybe I’ll stop that too. I wonder what would happen if I substituted a smiley face for a question mark? I am also smilingggg at the thought of ignoring upper case letters. Perhaps there is a new way, another way. Punctuation creeps in – habits exist – but perhaps new habits will come if we make space for them – if i make space for them (I love that small ‘i’).
As I look at the text I find my hands in a prayer position, at my lips. When I notice that, I smile. I stop typing and my hands return to pray at my lips. I chuckle. I am home sitting awhile; my arms stretch upwards and around my chest, which opens as I breathe out. I am done for now. My hands hold each other: left thumb gently rubbing my right. Farewell for now my friends, not that I am going anywhere.
this piece has appeared as a result of (among other things) time in the presence of the philosopher bayo akomolafe yesterday and a conversation just now with my friend Sarah about boxes typing it has allowed me to discover that the computer turns all lone letter eyes to capital I of its own volition or someones volition not mine for sure capital s of sarah is the computers not mine and not sarahs
‘Be aware of the spirit of God at work in the ordinary activities and experience of your daily life. Spiritual learning continues throughout life, and often in unexpected ways. There is inspiration to be found all around us, in the natural world, in the sciences and arts, in our work and friendships, in our sorrows as well as in our joys. Are you open to new light, from whatever source it may come? Do you approach new ideas with discernment?’ (Quaker faith & practice 1.07)
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