Friendship

Bob Lovett asks: How has love flourished in your life this past year?

Over recent years the approach of Christmas has caused me ever-increasing emotional turmoil. The focus of our celebrations has always been based on a sense of the miraculous, from the birth of Jesus to the myths of Father Christmas. Each, in their own way, is seen to bring joy to the world – a celebration of gifts and, in particular, the precious gift of childhood itself. I think my turmoil stems from feelings of loss and feelings of anger – a potent mix for inner turmoil.

The loss I feel is for a childhood that is no more, either personally, in respect of my own happy childhood memories, or as a valued feature of our contemporary culture. Wonder and imagination have tended to be replaced by reality television or thumb-numbing electronic games, and with them has come a premature loss of innocence. My anger comes from the seductive commercial adoption of Christmas as a consumer feast, generating material expectations, emotionally blackmailing some families into debt, and hiding the true gift of our symbolic Christmas beneath a welter of sentimental trash.

But wait. All is not lost. For me, in my adult years, not only has Christmas been a time of celebration, it has also been a time for reflection and renewal – a time for re-evaluating aspects of my life and asking myself the question: ‘How has love flourished in your life over the last year?’

As part of that process there has always been the joy of exchanging greetings and news with all those friends who remain deeply valued and loved, but who are all too often neglected for much of the year.

Now, I have, in my right eye, what is known as ‘a floater’ – a small black speck that randomly darts around within my eyeball and consequently across my field of vision. It causes me no problems and, unless I make a conscious effort to focus on it, I often don’t know it is there. I’ve come to look upon it as a familiar friend, someone there to remind me of the importance of not being judgemental, and of casting out the plank from my own eye before trying to address the mote in my brother’s. But, unless I consciously attend to this friend in my eye, the message remains unuttered and, therefore, unheard. I hope that by refocusing on my floating friend, another will come forward in love and upbraid me for my judgmental rant about Christmas present!

Friends are those who forgive us our neglect; who continue to love us despite our human frailties. They are those who save us from ourselves. I recently came across a greeting card, which carried the following simple message: ‘Friends save you a fortune in therapy costs.’ So, maybe a message for us this Christmas might be to re-evaluate our friendships. Let us constantly keep our friends in mind. Friendships are mutual arrangements. Just as one friend may fund our therapy costs, we may also help fund theirs, or the needs of another. Love did come down at Christmas, and in our friendships we affirm that love, and so are enabled to befriend others for whom love may be a rare commodity. Friends are valuable. Value them so that you might value others also.

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