‘The Quaker testimonies seemed to speak directly to my ambitions as a mother.’ Photo: by guille pozzi on Unsplash
Family matters: Ashleigh Luther on Quaker parenting
‘We found a way of being together that was rooted in our values.’
The amount of guidance on raising children is overwhelming, and often contradictory. Some parenting trends may be fleeting, but others come to define a generation, and often challenge the practices of those which have gone before. How we approach it all will often depend on our own childhood experiences, and what is popular among our peers. Parents of faith also consider how their spiritual values will inform their parenting. As a young Quaker mother, this has certainly been the case for me.
The Simplicity testimony first attracted me to the Society of Friends. I had two children, a low income, and an ardent desire not to drown under the weight of the ‘stuff’ I had been led to believe was necessary for a happy childhood. I wanted to avoid a ceaseless list of essential purchases, and dreamed of my children having clothes that did not impact our precious planet, toys they truly cherished, and a home with space.
‘Do not be persuaded into buying what you do not need or cannot afford’ I read in Quaker faith & practice. I felt seen, and upheld in my wishes to create a simpler life for my children. The Quaker testimonies seemed to speak directly to my ambitions as a mother.
It was not just the material burden of modern parenting that concerned me, but the business of it all too. I saw children expected to attend a constant rotation of clubs and activities without catching a breath.
I felt guided to provide my children with a quiet place in which to grow and become intimate with that of God inside themselves. I did not want to run them between scheduled activities so that we would be left with little time to meaningfully connect with one another.
We decided, when our daughter was a baby, that we would home educate. From this decision, an adventurous life unfolded for our family. We found a way of being together that was rooted in our values – values that aligned me with the Quaker community.
Our days simplified, our relationships strengthened, and our clutter relieved. The light in our children was nurtured to burn brightly, outside an environment that encouraged competition and conformism. I strongly believe children and young people need love and stability, and I could not be confident that they would receive much of either in school.
Applying Quaker testimonies to the way our children are raised has allowed us to establish a family culture grounded in love and stability. In choosing to learn alongside my children, I benefit enormously from being a witness to their experiences, and I can be sure of the example that I set among them too.
