Family matters: A Quaker parent’s Thought for the Week
‘I will have to choose whether to be an attentive Quaker or an attentive parent.’
It’s going to be a wonderful Quaker summer.
It begins here with the 400th anniversary of the birth of one of our founders, George Fox. We Friends can be wary of celebrating special days, but we know that Fox believed that ‘times and seasons’ were appointed by the ‘Lord of heaven’, so we rightly set aside a moment to remember him. Following shortly after this will be Yearly Meeting, accompanied again this year by a wide range of workshops and sessions from special interest groups. These look rich and fascinating, covering topics we need to get to grips with as a Society. So many of them! In August comes the World Plenary, when Quakers across the world will be able to gather together to experience our particular kind of Friendship. For the first time there will be an online component, which means Friends everywhere will feel a call to attend. As I say, a wonderful Quaker summer.
Wonderful as all this is, however, it will also be a challenge. I don’t know if the powers-that-be were counting the number of event days when they were making their plans, but there are a lot of them to count. I say ‘powers-that-be’, rather than some more usual reference to our collective decision-making processes, because part of me is wondering whether it really is the Spirit who wants me to give up three weekends and more through the school holidays to be away from my family.
‘The war against good parenting is always waged in the name of “important work”.’
I say this carefully, because I know that much thought is given to provision for children at these events. The delivery of these programmes is always well-thought-out, inclusive and warm. But I also say it anonymously, because I fear I may not be careful enough. To be frank, I’m not wholly looking forward to having to pack my kin off somewhere else while I sit in a room doing what I’m sure will be important work. Indeed, it seems to me that the war against good parenting is always waged in the name of ‘important work’. Friends, forgive me but we should be chasing a frisbee in the park. Three weekends through the summer months, I will have to choose whether to be an attentive Quaker or an attentive parent; it simply won’t be possible to be both. Am I speaking plainly enough? I learned it from George Fox.
I hope what I’m saying doesn’t feel exclusive to those without families. I wish you were with us in the park, and my best guess is that you feel the same way. I’m sure the time seems daunting to you, too. But I do hope that what I’m saying stings a little for those who couldn’t get their heads together and figure out what might be good for all of us. When, in a quiet moment mid-session, you look up and see a sea of white hair, I want you to think about why it’s our amazing retirees who have to accept the biggest portion of our collective discernment. I myself might feel obligated to attend everything. I hope others choose more wisely. As I say, I do think it’s going to be a wonderful Quaker summer. But please don’t do it again.
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