'A highlight for many of us was the rather more light-hearted, creative session where we designed our own memorial bench complete with inscription...' Photo: Derek Law / flickr CC.
Facing up
Linda Murray Hale writes about a recent workshop
A weekend talking about death and dying may not sound a very appealing prospect and my husband, Steve, took some persuading to join me at the recent Bamford Quaker Community’s ‘When my time is up…’ workshop!
Ten participants joined the eight permanent residents at their community house in the beautiful Derbyshire countryside at Bamford to explore a range of issues around preparing for, and facing up to, the end of our lives. It sounds rather gloomy but – for most of the time, at least – a cheerful atmosphere prevailed as we shared experiences, thoughts and fears with growing intimacy as the weekend progressed. Yes, there were some tears but laugh-out-loud moments too; even death can have its funny side!
The workshop leaders, Anne and Daniel, reminded us of Advices & queries 30, which enjoins us to learn to accept the fact of death – our own and others – in order to be freed to live more fully. It was in this spirit that we tackled a range of issues, including imagining how we would want to spend our time if we knew we only had one year left, considering the choices we would make for our own deaths and the practicalities of writing our own ‘living will’. A highlight for many of us was the rather more light-hearted, creative session where we designed our own memorial bench complete with inscription. Levels of artistic skill varied but we all became utterly absorbed in the task as we worked side by side, chatting occasionally and reflecting on the ground that we had covered that day. The results, needless to say, showed ten very different benches in ten very different settings and we all agreed that it hadn’t been morbid in the slightest –
it had been fun!
In another of the sessions we were introduced to the considerable selection of resources now available from faith bodies, including our own, to social services and to charitable organisations such as Compassion in Dying. Some focused on the practicalities, answering questions such as ‘Can I be buried in my own garden?’ and ‘Do I have to use an undertaker?’ Other sessions offered help and support in the emotional aspects of dying and bereavement. We also heard about Death Cafes, new to many of us, which are springing up around the country offering the chance to chat, over coffee and cake, about what can be a very emotionally charged subject.
As people attending workshops often comment, a really valuable aspect of weekends such as this is the informal discussion, the opportunities to listen to each other’s stories and to enjoy the fellowship and that was very much the case for Steve and myself. We both felt – and I got the impression that others felt the same way – that this subject no longer seemed quite so difficult to talk about, not quite such a taboo topic. I felt inspired to go back to my own Local Meeting to report on our experience and to suggest that we make an opportunity to explore this area together and to begin to ‘normalise’ it. I very much hope that Daniel and Anne will run this course again so that others can benefit from it.
Linda Murray Hale and Steve Hale of Southern Marches Area Meeting attended a weekend workshop, ‘When my time is up…’ at the Bamford Quaker Community in Derbyshire, led by Anne and Daniel Wimberley, on 23-25 September.
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