Eye - 20 April 2012

Confessions of a Carboholic

Alright, I admit it. I am a Carboholic.

I’d like to say it’s not my fault, but they tell me at Carboholics Anonymous that we always say that, you know, trying to blame someone else. Own the problem, they say. If you try to say it’s someone else’s fault, you won’t face up to it. So here it goes.

I am a Carboholic. It started when I was very small, and I don’t blame my parents – they weren’t to know – but I always had the light on at night, because of the chickens. The chickens came and pecked your feet in the dark, so my parents kept a night-light. First it was a little paraffin lamp. Then a clunky transformer with a small bulb. Later it was a dimmer switch turned down low; then I got my own bedside light…

Looking back, you can see the slippery slope but at the time it was just for comfort, or a bit of fun. I started using my bedside light more and more, usually at night, to do reading and stuff. They tried to ban it but I bought a torch and used to read under the bed covers. Nobody in the shop warned me. They just gave me the batteries and took the money. They never mentioned how quickly the batteries would run down, the toxic waste in the landfill, the cost. No, they just suggested a ‘longer life, better performing’ battery. More expensive, of course, but I was hooked on power.

Before long, everything had to be plugged in. The wind-up gramophone got replaced by an all-electric radiogram, then a radio, then a TV. I tried – a bit – to get out of the house, but they came after me with portable stuff. In a couple of years I was back on the batteries again, this time a transistor radio, then a walkman, then a game boy. The bike went, replaced first by a moped, then a motor bike, then a car. It seemed the more I earned, the more I spent it on ‘energy saving devices’ that used more and more energy. I got a petrol driven lawn-mower, but it wasn’t enough; soon I had a ride-on and I had to get a 4 by 4 big enough to put it in the back when it needed servicing. Because they all need maintenance, you know. You don’t realise until you can’t do without them, but they All. Need. Maintenance…

Now I’ve got a chain saw, a hedge trimmer, a brush cutter, a strimmer, an electric saw, several electric drills, two electric jigsaws, a cordless drill/jigsaw pack and one of those things that blows the leaves away from your drive. I’ve got an electric toaster, oven, kettle, microwave, griddle and carving knife. It’s pathetic, I know. I even have an electric toothbrush…

Then there’s the warmth. To begin with, if it was cold, we had another blanket or an extra sweater. But then they came offering central heating, and it was cheap at first, well, I never thought it was doing any harm. After a bit I was trying everything – oil-fired Rayburn, storage heaters, LPG (liquefied petroleum gas, known as ‘Calor’ on the street), mainline gas, carbon rock (coal, to the experts). It was just spend, spend, spend. And the heat just went – through the roof, out the windows, through the walls. It was madness. In the end I was burning twenty-three tonnes of CO2 a year and spending thousands. I knew, deep down, it couldn’t go on forever.

QAC (Quaker Action for Carboholics) have been very good to me. They don’t judge, they just try to help. I’m getting weaned off gradually. I’ve got low energy light bulbs now. I use rechargeable batteries and I’m going to get my house insulated soon. Some time way in the future, I might be able to face a fuel efficient boiler, maybe even a ground source heat pump, a windmill and solar panels. But right now, I’m taking each day as it comes. It’s hard, but I’ve got to do it. We all have. Or we’ve had it.

Do you have an energy problem? QAC can help you face up to it. Start by finding out how bad it is by asking your overseer to help you with a home energy check. It’s painless. And no-one will judge you or laugh at you. Honest. We’re all being terribly tender to each other.

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