'These meditation have been truly life-changing experiences for me . . . ' Photo: Alex Pears / flickr CC
Experiment with Light: Waiting in the Light
Ann Banks describes a personal experience of the practice of Experiment with Light
I couldn’t make out what it was. It looked a bit like one of those sand dollars or a smooth shell of some kind – or maybe it was just a step on the way to an image that would mean something. Just wait – ‘mind the Light’. I looked again and there it was again, only this time, something black was trying to escape from the top of it. No thanks – I don’t want to look at that – it might be a spider or something frightening. OK, you’ve asked for this information about yourself – are you going to chicken out of looking at what you’re offered? No, I suppose not – ‘open your heart to the truth’ – if this is the truth then I’d better see what it is that I’m running away from.
At that point, as I brought my inner sight back to the image, the ‘shell’ fell open and to my surprise and amusement there was an image of myself, in black leathers, astride a black world war two motorbike. My head is down, a scarf is fluttering behind me and I’m obviously driving at great speed, making the hard, revving, explosive noise that only bikes of that era could make. Oblivious to my surroundings, I sense that I’m driving myself hard, that my awareness is closed down and that nothing matters except me and the speed and whatever it is that I’m driving towards.
Finding the meaning
So, what is it I’m seeing here? As I inwardly ask the question, I see myself in various situations, driving forwards. Now, I’d always thought that my enthusiasm was quite an endearing characteristic, but no, I’m seeing it quite differently in this meditation.
Opening further and ‘waiting in the Light’ I begin to see that it’s not the cuddly thing I thought it was: it’s been focused to the point where it’s not swept people along with me, it’s pushed them away; instead of creating the unity I’ve always said I was so enthusiastic about, it’s actually destroyed it – in my head down, goggles on way of going about things I’ve excluded others, not included them. Oh…oh dear…oh no, really that’s not what I’ve meant. Oh, I’m so sorry. In ‘submitting’ to this view of myself, and seeing its truth, I’m agreeing that I must change. No blame, no judgment, no sense of not being loved, just a different sense of myself, how I behave and that I need to be much more conscious of the power of those bees in my bonnet to occupy all my attention, to the exclusion of other people and their concerns. Phew! That was interesting! And, while it was a serious piece of work, it left me with a fantastic sense of the humour of the image and how perfectly it fitted what I needed to understand. They are brilliant – these Experiments with Light!
The wider world
We had arranged a day at Skipton Meeting House for our local Light Group. This was the first of two meditations we had planned: the one in the morning for ourselves as individuals and the second, after a delicious shared lunch, for the world. In the sharing before the second meditation began, we talked about the things that concerned us about the world situation and what worried us most. In my usual way of not seeing the relationships between things I said I was most worried about extremism.
We settled to the meditation and, immediately, there is the same image of me roaring away on my motorbike – head down, scarf streaming out behind, making a lot of noise. As the image expanded, I saw there was a huge circle of light and all around it were people JUST LIKE MYSELF – on their motorbikes; but what shocks me, and brings the tears, is that we are all driving away from the love and light at the centre, out doing our own thing, not conscious of what we’re leaving behind, who’s in the way, what’s around us, just heads down tunnelling into the narrowness of our own perceptions. It was shocking to think that all the while I’ve been worrying or, dare I say, condemning the extremism which causes so much damage, pain and loss, that this ‘enthusiasm’ of mine, the energy of it sorely missed during a long period of illness only a few years ago, is actually the same energy! Cranked up a bit certainly, but the message here, loud and clear, is that it needs awareness to go with it in order for it to truly be the God within that the word means. Oh dear, double whammy! But what a valuable insight – what a fantastic illustration that the things that most wind us up are, in truth, aspects of ourselves, otherwise there would not be the emotional resonance with them.
Life-changing
On another occasion, I’d arrived at the Light Group feeling angry with someone I’d thought was a good friend and who wasn’t behaving as I thought a good friend should. As I settle down, ‘minding the Light’, I see my friend standing in my cupped hands. As I watch this image, I can see my hands are getting feathery, protective, and I’m feeling very sad. ‘Opening my heart to the truth,’ the hands turn into wings, attaching themselves to her shoulders whereupon, without a by your leave, I’m picked up in the hooked beak of what has turned into a bird of prey and find myself lifted up into the sky, dangling helplessly before being dropped, quite literally, from a great height! ‘Waiting in the Light’ for further insight, I see that this is a pattern of dependence and inappropriate attachment I’ve run all my life – and it’s always ended in the same way. I can certainly submit to that! It needed to be changed and it has been, over the ensuing months, with wonderful benefits in all my relationships.
These meditations have been truly life-changing experiences for me. They are always different: sometimes it feels as if nothing has happened, then a few days later a dream or insight reminds me that in opening to the Light I am putting my hand up, saying ‘yes please’ to change, whatever that might mean; at other times it’s dramatic, ‘in your face’ stuff; or, again, I might be presented with something very funny, but in a way that makes me wonder why I hadn’t been able to see myself or a situation in that way before. So, before I get off my motorbike, I suggest you try it for yourself!
