Examining our minds: Sylvia Clare on neurodivergence

‘Those of you who find us difficult might not have thought about how difficult we find you.’

Isaac Pennington said that ‘All our words, all our conversation, yea every thought in us, is to become new.’ What does this mean? My understanding is that it asks us to explore inside ourselves, to examine our minds, our assumptions, our belief systems, and our paradigms of how life works. This tallies with my experiences as a Buddhist Quaker, where I am also asked to look deeply within.

I come to Quaker Meetings as a member of yet another community, that of a neurodivergent. My credentials are ADHD and PTSD. The post-traumatic stress disorder comes from being told I am worthless, a problem, a nuisance, difficult, and as a child heavily punished and rejected, as if that would somehow magically make me different. I have had similar experiences within the Quaker community, though much acceptance and embracing too – even if I have been misread in ways that have left me astonished, and even re-traumatised.

I have learned not to judge others, and I work hard to overcome my defensiveness towards those with whom I feel unsafe. Trauma leaves you with highly-sensitive antennae. Being broken down leaves you open and humbled, and it also leaves you vulnerable, until you find the strength in that humbled position. I am now finding the strength in myself to speak out and assert – gently I hope – that people with neurodivergencey are not the difficult ones. It is the lack of understanding and awareness that creates the difficulty, and offers us a challenge. Those of you who find us difficult might not have thought about how difficult we find you. So why should we be the only ones to work at finding a shared and mutual understanding? I have heard many stories of real pain and suffering caused by a lack of insight into how wonderful we are as a community. Friends have missed qualities that would enhance any Meeting if embraced appropriately.

Have you considered that you may be mistaken in your views about us – roughly twenty-five per cent of the population, when you add us all together? I ask this as a general question. What do we Quakers do to make our Meetings a safe spiritual home for that twenty-five per cent?

This challenge is being taken up by Yorkshire Area Meetings, thanks to a member of the Quaker Disability Group, and I am opening up this conversation in my own Meeting. Can we extend that nationally, and make the message loud and clear: we embrace you, come find a safe spiritual home with us? Being neurotypical is no more right or wrong than being neurodivergent. It is just being human, different, unique, with diverse gifts that are overlooked. As Penington also said: ‘Thou must come down, thou must become nothing by degrees… and be glad of a little help now and then in the lowliness and humility of thy heart, which must not choose what appearance and manifestation it will have from God… The very path of eternal life itself lies in the lowness, in the humility, even in that nothingness which bows before the least light of the day’.

---

Comments

Please login to add a comment