End-of-life issues: Martin Birley, Rosemary Roberts and Graham Torr find unity in death

‘We found unity from an unexpected quarter.’

Friends have been discussing assisted dying for many years. There have been intense discussions in Local and Area Meetings, but unity has evaded us. In April 2021, Meeting for Sufferings concluded that ‘There are strong feelings in all quarters, but it is clear that we have not reached a united view’.

At New Earswick Meeting, however, we found unity from an unexpected quarter. A venerable member and conscientious objector, opposed to the taking of life in all contexts, offered us new light and spiritual reflection. He asked: how do we care for each other? And: doesn’t that care comprise the whole of life in all its stages and complexities, including its end?

Quakers’ life courses can be very different, contributing to the vibrancy and wellbeing of the whole community. This is matched by our hopes for our final journeys. But how much do we know about each other’s preferences for this time? The answer is probably very little. We decided to explore this question in a worship sharing session. We invited Friends to comment on the question, ‘What options would I wish to be available to me personally in the event of a major breakdown of health?’ The answers enriched us all. Some said that they had given the matter little thought; others that they hoped to die peacefully in their beds. Among the many views expressed, one stood out: to have the option of an assisted death.

We held a Meeting for Worship for Business to produce a minute that captured our new insight. We hope that this minute will assist other Meetings to find unity. Here is its conclusion: ‘For each of us the particular hopes and fears that touch us are unique, but knowing this helps us stand in solidarity with those in our community whose position is different from ours. We have heard that although care is partly intuitive, it requires skill and experience, and our pastoral care Friends – indeed all of us – would benefit from greater awareness and the exploration of skills in lifelong care over time. We uphold Friends who are working for the availability in the UK of assisted dying – a way of bringing their life to a close that would, if they sought it, give them greater control and relief than might otherwise be possible. We are deeply grateful for having been caused to consider the care we offer to each other in our Quaker community and for this opportunity to focus expressly on it.’

This approach led us away from the complex issues of legislation and safeguards that have so often dominated discussions about assisted dying, vitally important though we know them to be. It enabled us to recognise and respect the diversity of opinion among Friends, and helped us to understand how we might best care for each other.

We hope that the great strength of this new light will be recognised by other Meetings. Perhaps it will enable Friends to find unity through diversity, as we so often do.

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