Embracing the darkness
Stuart Yates considers the message Beethoven has for all of us
‘But you have to go through darkness in order to see the light. If you’re always in light, you don’t see it anymore. And this is the whole element of struggle – the courage to go through darkness in order to achieve light – which is the same in music as it is in every psychoanalytic process, as it is in every political process, in everything.’
– Daniel Barenboim on Beethoven’s Fourth Symphony
Beethoven was familiar with the darkness. Deafness plagued two thirds of his life. He wrote the Fourth Symphony in 1806, probably already three-quarters deaf. In 1802 his ‘Heiligenstadt Testament’ includes the following: ‘Yet it was impossible for me to say to people, “Speak louder, shout, for I am deaf”.’ Although he writes that his art prevented suicide, yet: ‘With joy I hasten to meet death.’ Imagine thirty years of looking forward to death whilst struggling to honour his gifts in writing music beyond the bounds of what had gone before and which surpassed the instruments at his disposal. He broke fragile early pianos in vain attempts to hear his creations.
Beethoven’s work traces a journey from darkness to light, albeit one with much defiance. His final works – only heard in his mind – inhabit a transcendent world no composer has approached since. Out of his darkness came light. Beethoven had a fierce belief in his art and gifts, and a deep religious faith. In the Heiligenstadt Testament he wrote: ‘Divine One thou lookest into my inmost soul, thou knowest it, thou knowest that love of man and desire to do good live therein.’
He has a message for us all. If it does not overwhelm us, darkness provides the sustenance, the soil, for our journey towards light. I have learned from Jung that if we suppress or deny our dark shadow, that shadow grows longer. It will take us away from the light instead of helping to lead us to it. If the neglected shadow does not destroy us, its darkness turns into a monotonous greyness, relieving us of the blackness but shutting out the light. My preference is for the alternation of joy and loss, rather than a grey sameness.
Friends tend to keep their gaze on the Light. Darkness, sin, evil, all may be denied, in others as well as ourselves. We hear that the Spirit only comes in love and gentleness. Yet our gods have always come in love and in anger. Why should we believe that our versions of the Divine are different? Our darkness, our weakness and our wilfulness do not separate us from God. They are gifts that enable us to live our lives in greater harmony with ourselves, with others and with God. A mother chides her children, in love, in the hope that it is helpful, not just gratuitous. It is still chastisement. It is painful for the child, making him or her aware of their own darkness. That awareness is a gift. So, I believe God relates to our shadow, encouraging us to encounter, understand and learn from it and thus grow towards the Light.
Those without awareness, or who are in denial of their shadow, also risk not being able to feel compassion for themselves. If we cannot experience compassion for our own faults and weaknesses, how can we feel compassion for others? How can we learn to love in spite of as well as because of? When others reveal an aspect of their darkness, either in awareness or unconsciously, we do not help them by a shallow reassurance that they are fine, even if in other respects they are. An honest receiving, acknowledgement and acceptance of another’s frailty, without blame, a simple but deep ‘being with’, can enable that frailty to provide a way forward towards greater wholeness.
Beethoven reminds us of two more, non-musical, lessons in his testament, in his hour of despair: lessons which resonate with Quakers. He appears to have little ego: ‘do not wholly forget me when I am dead’ and: ‘I would have put an end to my life – only art it was that withheld me, ah it seemed impossible to leave the world until I had produced all that I felt called upon me to produce.’ We also seek to diminish our egos and do what we are called to do. Let us use all our gifts, those that dwell in the light and those that emerge from the darkness. Remember James Nayler’s words: ‘Art thou in the Darkness? Mind it not, for if thou dost it will fill thee more, but stand still and act not, and wait in patience till Light arises out of Darkness to lead thee.’
Let us embrace the darkness, transcend it, not run in fear of it.
Comments
Thank you for your words Stuart. It was helpful to me in my situation, and the journey towards coming to terms with my past. So many good thoughts and observations, but especially your mention of gifts that emerge from darkness. It is an utter confusion to myself, blended with guilt and shame, that such negative, destructive actions on my part, have led to my realisation of small gifts I never knew I had, along with so much profound perspective and change. But they are there, and I can’t deny them. It’s a tough journey, but each day brings me a small step closer to the light, leaving the darkness behind. Thank you.
By STEVE3967 on 6th April 2017 - 18:01
Thank you Stuart
I have had to face my own shadow side, big time, over a number of decades and it has been at times a most painful experience - far too personal to be able to share in public but it has opened out my life enormously. Now I am left with the conviction that Christianity itself must have a shadow side that no one seems to know how to explore or handle. We deplore poison gas attacks in Syria but who were the first people to use poison gas in war? Two avowedly Christian countries fighting each other on the western front about a century ago!
By Barrie R on 8th April 2017 - 14:15
Please login to add a comment
