‘The suffering of the world remains, but through faith we are relieved of the heavy heartedness of our humanness. Spirit brings a new way of being in the world' Photo: Mohammad Metri on Unsplash.
‘As our needs intensify, so may our relationship to God.’
Hear this: Now, more than ever, is the time to pay attention to the deeper part of each other, says Gretchen Castle
I was reminded recently by Kelly Kellum, the general secretary of Friends United Meeting in the US, that a mutual Friend of ours used to say: ‘Don’t ask me how I am doing unless you are prepared to listen to my answer’. This wise Friend reminded us to pay attention to the deeper part of each other, and to welcome its coming. My ‘How are you?’ is an invitation to open up. It says: ‘I am curious to know what might be troubling you, or what is bringing you joy. I want to know. Please tell me.’
In a recent gathering of Quaker leaders, we were prompted to respond to two questions: How are you doing? and How are you really doing? It was an invitation to do a ‘deep dive’ and reveal our vulnerability in a trusted group. We knew that the others would not only listen well, but that they would pray for us, aloud. In that same annual multi-day event, we always conclude by each of us answering, ‘What do you want us to pray for as we pray for you?’ After pouring out my heart, one or two Friends will offer a prayer that reflects my very need. It is like God speaking directly to me. It feeds my soul – down to the very soles of my aching feet. And I find my prayers for the others in the group extend into a very long cord that keeps us attached to each other in love.
During this time of Covid, we are challenged in entirely new ways, not only around new work situations or the lack of social contact, but in the ways we interact with those we love. Just as I feel I am coping well, I lose all patience and lash out in an uncharacteristic way. I have said I am sorry more times in the last six months than in the previous six years. Sometimes my nerves feel taut, and it feels I am driving on empty. I am spent. And my reserves are less available.
What brings me back to myself? What helps me return to being a better human being?
Three things come to mind. Firstly, people’s kindness. People can be incredibly generous, and, during this time, these acts of kindness and the interest we show to each other carries an increased importance. The spontaneous phone call from a friend, the opening email question: ‘How are you faring?’, the multiple calls from grown children asking for my perspective – all are ever-so-meaningful and they bring me back to my centre. These acts of kindness help me be a better friend. My friends help me see that of God in others.
Secondly, the warm response of Meeting communities: I have been worshipping weekly with Richhill Meeting in Northern Ireland, via WhatsApp, which we do on audio only. There’s no need to get dressed (out of my pyjamas) or apologise for my long unkempt hair. But I so love the digital emoji handshake at the end, and the greetings from Meeting members and those of us who join from London, Burundi, and Bolivia. I have many months’ worth of messages, music, and Bible passages, which I go back to often. It is a great gift from this worshipping community.
I also worship occasionally by Zoom with my home Meeting in the US. That Meeting long ago created a ListServe email group so we can communicate with the whole group at once. It is brilliant. This week the Pastoral Concerns Committee sent out a list of poems and songs from Meeting members to act as a comfort and encouragement to the whole Meeting. Rather uncharacteristically, there was an outpouring of appreciation, articulating over and over how very helpful this was. The need was great, and members felt supported.
Finally, Friends’ reminders that God is more present than ever. I am fortunate to live and work in London, and to work with Friends from many parts of the world. The diversity of spiritual expression gives me a richness of Bible verses, prayers and perspectives from which to feed my heart.
Take Psalm 31:24: ‘Be strong, and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for the Lord!’
God gives us a confident expectation that, through our faith, we live in power and joy and communion with God, and with our Quaker community. God binds us together, giving us the ability to withstand earthly setbacks, because through God’s love, we inhabit a much larger space, a spiritual space, an abundance that goes far beyond the horizon of our hearts.
Then there’s Ephesians 4 1-7: ‘I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.’
And so our love of God lifts us out of despair and suffering, and allows us to change how we carry it. The suffering of the world remains but, through faith, we are relieved of the heavy-heartedness of our humanness. Spirit, as promised, brings a new way of living, a new way of being in the world.
Is it harder to be hopeful at this time? Possibly, as we are more vulnerable, or more erratic, dealing with many uncertainties. But I feel a new clarity of Spirit moving within me, among us, around the world. I feel hopeful. As our needs intensify, so may our relationship to God, moving closer to being essential. And I take great inspiration from Romans 8:38-39: ‘For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.’
Let us remember, in this time when we may feel more vulnerable, that God and our Meetings and churches, can help us be more attentive to one another. Let us gather across the internet, the phone, and at two-metres’ distance and ask one another: How are you doing? How are you really doing? and let God bless the spaces between us.
Gretchen Castle is the general secretary of Friends World Committee for Consultation in London.
Comments
Thank you, Friend. Cool water in a dry land.
By Mike F on 1st October 2020 - 16:41
I have just signed up for The Friend free trial subscription, if what I have just read is a flavour of what I will read again, thankyou thankyou.
By DebD on 1st October 2020 - 20:10
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