As miserable as sin: Margaret Cook listens to Milton Keynes Friends rethink Augustine

‘What has 1,700 years of this kind of persistent negativity done to the western psyche?’

Late last year, Friends in Milton Keynes focussed on the hymn ‘Dear Lord and Father of Mankind’, written by the nineteenth-century Quaker poet John Greenleaf Whittier. Verse three describes Jesus withdrawing to the hills ‘to share with Thee/the silence of eternity interpreted by love.’

Interpreting the mystery of the universe ‘by love’ might depend on one’s experience of Christianity, which has, over the centuries, laid strong emphasis on our wickedness. An old hymn book reminds us that ‘I nothing am’, ‘an obdurate stone’, ‘one dark blot’, ‘weak and vile’, ‘polluted’ and my history is ‘sin upon sin’. This reflects a religious movement embracing ‘original sin’, Augustine of Hippo’s fourth-century theory that ‘we have all become…  a lump of sin… and we… deserve nothing other than eternal damnation’.

For Augustine, sin was passed on from Adam to all human beings, condemned to hell for acts committed before they were even born. This became official doctrine in 529 CE, with the church teaching that we could only be saved by the sacrifice of a redeemer suffering and dying for all mankind.

From the vantage point of modern psychology we can see that this doctrine – at least as it is as recounted in The Confessions – represents what we would now recognise as Augustine’s ‘projection’ onto others of his own experience. In its early chapters, his autobiography is a particularly racy story of hedonism and addiction.

But what has 1,700 years of this kind of persistent negativity done to the western psyche? Could it have led to a sense of unworthiness that now seems to have become the norm, even if only at an unconscious level? How else would contemporary social media have become so gripping, if it wasn’t coalescing with something that was already there? Widespread use of social media can shine a light on, and exacerbate, experiences of self-hatred and self-rejection, leading to considerable levels of depression and anxiety, especially in the young.

We can barely imagine what a difference it might make if the shared message were instead ‘You are unique, precious, a child of God’ (Advices & queries 22).

I’ve heard it described as ‘not just a problem but a tragedy’ that many Christians believe there is something in human nature that is contrary to God. And it’s worth remembering that Jesus himself had never heard of original sin. One of the influential voices countering this destructive trend was Matthew Fox, whose Original Blessing was first published nearly forty years ago. For him, the starting point is the sacredness of creation and our role in it – what the mystical tradition calls the Via Positiva, the path of joy, delight, awe and gratitude. What would it do for our awareness if the goodness of creation took precedence – or at the very least balanced out – our dwelling on its opposite? Think of someone like the late Desmond Tutu, who manifestly lived out the Via Positiva.

The approach of ‘original blessing’ acknowledges that the deepest level of our human nature is designed to hear God’s voice and walk in God’s way. Another way of saying that is that our ‘centre of gravity’ is original blessing. Lisa Frost, a leadership coach in the Integral tradition, calls this ‘living your deepest yes’, explaining that ‘Deep within, at your very core, there is a voice. This voice is the guiding wisdom that we all have access to. When you clarify and attune to that place… you gain access to that voice – learning first how to listen and then speak and act from it.’ Wasn’t George Fox saying something similar?

Tara Brach, a psychologist and Buddhist meditation teacher, recalls a prayer that has circulated in the background of her daily life: ‘May I trust my own goodness.’ 

Milton Keynes Friends were invited to reflect on ‘trusting our own goodness’, and to feel what that might be like, especially for those of us who don’t naturally go to that place. What would change if we really did trust our own goodness – if we made space for loving and accepting ourselves; if we allowed ourselves to love others more generously? We were encouraged to put into writing what might be different for us if this trust was our starting point. We did this anonymously, so that we could put our contributions into a hat which Friends would then pick out and read aloud.

You can perhaps imagine how moving and powerful this experience became. Here is a small sample of what Friends wrote.

What would be different? I would fear criticism and rejection less. I wouldn’t have to try so hard; I would have nothing to prove. I would react less and respond more lovingly. I would not be stung by my own mistakes; I would smile at myself more. I would be more at ease saying ‘no’. I would be more open so I might feel more pain, but it would trouble me less; it would pass. I would trust more.

My heart is full of longing and love. Where it leads, I follow. My tender heart is cautious of being hurt… rejected… not being good enough. I trust my heart to lead me to places of community, compassion and connectivity that feed my life. There I will calmly stay in a place of trust.

If I valued my own goodness more, saw it/me as more beautiful and precious, I would prioritise spending time daily to experience and get in touch with my centre … I’d ignore/let go the many distractions which seem, and possibly are, important and certainly urgent. Experiencing the love at my centre never has a deadline.

The challenge is how to find my essential goodness beneath the hardening of decades of conditioning. My goodness feels at the moment like a gawky fluffy fledgling. It needs the warmth of the smile of kindness from last night to melt and soften the defences. Then I will be able to find and recognise the goodness in others.

I can imagine a deep sense of ease and relaxation penetrating my whole being if I could always be aware of the innate goodness of myself and others.

If I could live and breathe into my deepest yes. I’d have so much more energy, vitality, space, to offer myself and others.

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