‘Although I had known the truth from the beginning, I shared their pain.’

My partner lived as a man before we met, but was always open with me about feeling the need to be a woman. That doesn’t mean the transition was always easy

'For myself, at times it was very hard, but we have pulled through together.' | Photo: istock/winterbee.

If Friends need to know how being transgender feels and works, I have some practical experience that I can offer, from the perspective of a trans person’s partner.

I met J when we were both volunteers at an educational charity. He was a tall man, rather overweight, very intelligent and masculine, and as time went by I also found him to be deeply thoughtful and humane. We were drawn together, and when we found ourselves on the edge of a relationship J told me immediately of his need to be a woman, showing me a photo of himself dressed thus. Being supremely ignorant of what that really meant I thought ‘that’s interesting’, and put it to the back of my mind.

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