Photo: By Michele Wales on Unsplash.
All inclusive: Amy Wilson is here and queer
‘The divine loves us for our queerness, not in spite of it.’
In Christian spaces, ‘the Word’ is mentioned often. This might mean the Bible, or Jesus himself, or the ‘good news’ of the gospel. To me, though, the words spoken in the church were rarely good. I grew up in the 2000s, and the church’s view on homosexuality was largely negative. From out-and-out discrimination to ‘just so long as they don’t do it in front of me’, it was clearly there. For people that preached love, it didn’t feel very loving.
As a young tomboy, I felt an extra layer to it. My clothing choices were seen as modest and had me heavily praised as a young girl. But as I grew older and my hair got shorter, I remember the questions of when I would put away my childish masculinity in favour of demure femininity. I knew what my questioners believed the role of a woman to be, and for a time I believed it myself.
I lost my faith as a young teenager. I’d met someone in my religious Guides group. We loved one another quietly, in the stillness of the church vestry, and I thought maybe I had finally found the divine. That was until we were found out by the other girls, and she blamed it all on me ‘leading her astray’. I left, and my faith in the church followed soon after.
I spent at least five years without religion. I felt flickerings of what you might call the divine, in nature, or my friend’s laughter, or the first time I sat in on a baby clinic. Faith without religion felt like taking a breath. And I had faith that when I came out to my father, things would go well. They did. He told me: ‘There is nothing you can do that would mean I am not proud of you’. In one sentence he taught me more about unconditional love than a lifetime in the church did.
Coincidentally, a few weeks later I found there was a Quaker Meeting near my student accommodation. I attended one on a whim. I went again a few weeks later. Then again.
As most of you will know, Quaker Meetings in the British tradition don’t involve preaching. They’re a chance to sit and feel the divine reach for you, or for you to reach for it. The aim is to find and nurture the divine in everyone. Some Quakers attend protests and volunteer as part of their worship. Deeds, not words. Faith through action.
I won’t pretend Quakers are perfect when it comes to LBGT+ rights, but finding community with people who never thought I was lesser for my sexuality or gender nonconformity gave me time to heal, and to think back on my time in the church. Many LGBT+ Christians have had to take time away to make peace with the fact that we were raised being told we were sinners, when in reality, the divine loves us for our queerness, not in spite of it.
Being a genderqueer lesbian has taught me how to stand up for those who religion has hurt. It has taught me to question what I’m taught, protect those who are cast out, and not to shirk my responsibility in doing so. Meanwhile, being a Quaker has taught me that although faith can be used as a weapon, it can also be a tool to make space for everyone. With it, I can stand up for my queer siblings, work to recognise my privilege and love the downtroddens. Bringing these two worlds together has taught me a simple message: it is vital to show true, unconditional love through both your words and your deeds. And we have a duty to do so.
Amy is an ambassador for Just Like Us, the LGBT+ charity.
Comments
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By The Friend editor on 3rd October 2024 - 10:14
I hope the Eds know what they/them are doing here by deleting a comment thread from this page. Whatever the community guidelines say, we still live in a country where freedom of expression is permitted and that includes stating that men are not women. Such speech is protected by the Equality Act 2010 and Forstater v CGD.
By Robbie Spence on 16th October 2024 - 21:53
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