Photo: By Michele Wales on Unsplash.
All inclusive: Amy Wilson is here and queer
‘The divine loves us for our queerness, not in spite of it.’
In Christian spaces, ‘the Word’ is mentioned often. This might mean the Bible, or Jesus himself, or the ‘good news’ of the gospel. To me, though, the words spoken in the church were rarely good. I grew up in the 2000s, and the church’s view on homosexuality was largely negative. From out-and-out discrimination to ‘just so long as they don’t do it in front of me’, it was clearly there. For people that preached love, it didn’t feel very loving.
As a young tomboy, I felt an extra layer to it. My clothing choices were seen as modest and had me heavily praised as a young girl. But as I grew older and my hair got shorter, I remember the questions of when I would put away my childish masculinity in favour of demure femininity. I knew what my questioners believed the role of a woman to be, and for a time I believed it myself.
I lost my faith as a young teenager. I’d met someone in my religious Guides group. We loved one another quietly, in the stillness of the church vestry, and I thought maybe I had finally found the divine. That was until we were found out by the other girls, and she blamed it all on me ‘leading her astray’. I left, and my faith in the church followed soon after.
I spent at least five years without religion. I felt flickerings of what you might call the divine, in nature, or my friend’s laughter, or the first time I sat in on a baby clinic. Faith without religion felt like taking a breath. And I had faith that when I came out to my father, things would go well. They did. He told me: ‘There is nothing you can do that would mean I am not proud of you’. In one sentence he taught me more about unconditional love than a lifetime in the church did.
Coincidentally, a few weeks later I found there was a Quaker Meeting near my student accommodation. I attended one on a whim. I went again a few weeks later. Then again.
As most of you will know, Quaker Meetings in the British tradition don’t involve preaching. They’re a chance to sit and feel the divine reach for you, or for you to reach for it. The aim is to find and nurture the divine in everyone. Some Quakers attend protests and volunteer as part of their worship. Deeds, not words. Faith through action.
I won’t pretend Quakers are perfect when it comes to LBGT+ rights, but finding community with people who never thought I was lesser for my sexuality or gender nonconformity gave me time to heal, and to think back on my time in the church. Many LGBT+ Christians have had to take time away to make peace with the fact that we were raised being told we were sinners, when in reality, the divine loves us for our queerness, not in spite of it.
Being a genderqueer lesbian has taught me how to stand up for those who religion has hurt. It has taught me to question what I’m taught, protect those who are cast out, and not to shirk my responsibility in doing so. Meanwhile, being a Quaker has taught me that although faith can be used as a weapon, it can also be a tool to make space for everyone. With it, I can stand up for my queer siblings, work to recognise my privilege and love the downtroddens. Bringing these two worlds together has taught me a simple message: it is vital to show true, unconditional love through both your words and your deeds. And we have a duty to do so.
Amy is an ambassador for Just Like Us, the LGBT+ charity.
Comments
No, Quakers are not perfect.
There is a great deal of effort in Britain to make transphobia appear normal and right. Transphobia is prejudice against people, and Quakers would normally think that is wrong. So transphobes pretend trans is not how people are, just like some people are gay, but what is done to children (the myths of “gender ideology” and “rapid onset gender dysphoria”). Or what is the result of a sexual perversion. Or perverts pretending to be women, to get access to women’s spaces. Trans is portrayed as a danger to women and children, and the Conservative Party, some in Labour and the LibDems, and much of the press want to protect people from it.
Unfortunately, there are a small group of Quakers who see their transphobia as principled and right. They do a great deal of work persuading each other of that, to the extent of ignoring the humanity of trans people and the value of truth.
Transphobic Quakers can be persuasive. They seem to know a lot about trans, but what they say is designed to make people oblivious to the reality that some people are trans. Or they talk of “sex-based rights” as if trans inclusion makes women’s rights impossible. Quakers should be alive to the falsehoods of the transphobes, or their meetings will become trans-free zones.
By Abigail Maxwell on 26th September 2024 - 9:16
I wonder what Amy means by ‘genderqueer’.
By Moyra Carlyle on 26th September 2024 - 11:10
Hello again, Moyra.
Google is your friend. Genderqueer is not fitting gender stereotypes. It is a rough synonym for nonbinary. Like other parts of the trans umbrella, it is about freeing ourselves from Patriarchy.
One of the great advantages of articles like this is that people ask questions like Moyra’s, so that they might learn something.
By Abigail Maxwell on 26th September 2024 - 17:57
So, Abigail, do you mean ‘genderqueer’ is about how someone looks?
If so, what does it have to do with ‘trans’ which is about someone’s sex?
Thank you for replying to my wondering. Google can produce quite confusing results sometimes.
By Moyra Carlyle on 27th September 2024 - 9:31
Moyra, you asked, “Do Quakers really want to support every aspect of transgender identity, as we seem to be doing now?” The answer is Yes. It is in unity with the spirit of Christ.
Trans nonbinary and genderqueer are not primarily about sex, looks or behaviour. They are about who, what, how someone is. I am trans. Get to know some trans people, try and see life through our eyes, and you will understand. Playing with concepts as you do- “trans is about someone’s sex”, forsooth- is a barrier to understanding. Sit with us in the Light, not judging and rejecting, but seeing our humanity. Then you will be in unity with the spirit of Christ, and all the misunderstandings and barriers you cling to will fall away.
By Abigail Maxwell on 27th September 2024 - 11:57
The article is not about trans. I just wondered about the term ‘genderqueer’.
However as you’ve mentioned aspects of trans, Abigail, here are some I don’t support.
Giving children the idea that they may need to present as the opposite sex, or no sex at all, based on their preferences in toys, games, clothes, hairstyles.
Female people being told to share their open-plan changing accommodation with a male person (or more than one) who claims to be a woman.
E.g. the Darlington nurses currently involved in a court case.
Rape Crisis Centres saying they have a single-sex, female-only service when, in fact, that service includes males who claim to be women as staff and/or service users.
E.g. Brighton Rape Crisis which is currently the subject of a court case because it refuses to provide a genuinely female-only support group.
Male prisoners who claim to be women being housed in females’ prison.
Females taken into police custody having to accept being searched by a male officer who claims to be a woman.
Children/teenagers/young adults thinking they need to have medical treatment which harms their body in order to express a personality which differs from a stereotype.
Medical professionals who affirm those young people in that belief and in those actions, without further investigation.
(Fortunately, in the UK, that seems to be changing a bit.)
These are a few of my un-favourite things.
By Moyra Carlyle on 28th September 2024 - 16:42
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