Two people arguing. Photo: By Afif Ramdhasuma on Unsplash.
Agree to differ? Robin Waterston’s Thought for the Week
‘How well do we handle conflict among ourselves?’
It was the day of the ceasefire in Israel and Gaza. The world was holding its breath. I was moved during worship to read from Quaker faith & practice 24.55, by Mary Lou Leavitt. She speaks of the need to practise using the weapons of the spirit instead of ever more destructive bombs.
But how well do we handle conflict among ourselves? Another piece of writing by Mary Lou Leavitt (Qfp 20.71) lists three elements in handling conflict creatively. They are: naming (being honest about the problem); listening (not just to the words, but also the feelings behind them); and letting go (of our own ego, looking together for God’s solution). These skills are needed more than ever. Can we practise them?
For one example, Friends do not seem to have a shared understanding of the relationship between sex, gender and trans identity. It is a common argument on the comments page of the Friend’s new website, and not always conducted well.
As background, we do have a clear position of welcoming trans people in our Meetings. But the Minute recording this from 2021 does not establish a position on the many issues where there are controversies (for example on responding to young people unhappy with their bodies, or where women’s groups ask for protected spaces, or where participation in women’s sports becomes a contested right). At Yearly Meeting (YM) last July, one session combined trans identity with racism, reparations and climate change – a confusing mix, it seemed to me. I felt as if there was an apprehension about having an open discussion, perhaps a fear of the emotions that the topic can stir up.
There have been efforts to promote reflection. In 2018, Quaker Life produced a thoughtful paper on Quakers and gender diversity, intended for discussion in Meetings. It said ‘There is much more to be done and more discussion to be had’. But there has been no visible follow-up. In spring 2024 a group of Friends in London concluded a lengthy series of discussions called ‘To Thine Own Self be True’ on this theme, and agreed an epistle to Yearly Meeting. It was the focus of an interest group at YM 2024, and showed that strong feelings and significant disagreements can be held in love, using the principles outlined by Mary Lou Leavitt. The epistle can be found at https://londonquakers.org.uk/t....
Friends are not in unity on many questions. We do not need to be. And we do not need to pretend that we are. Minute 30 of YM 2024 included the statement that ‘It can be tempting to avoid conflict in expressing our opinions, but we need to find kinder ground for disagreement among Quakers and in the wider world. Everything we do should come out of love for ourselves, and for others including those we disagree with.’
I hope that in 2025 we will find the strength to resist the tides of extremism sweeping towards us across the Atlantic, retain our centre of balance, and practise the creative handling of differences among us.
Comments
Trans rights aren’t a subject for debate so I am unsure why they have been focused on in this article. Trans people are our friends and family. They are valued members of our society. They deserve the same access to sports and healthcare as everyone else. Additionally, women’s rights are strengthened by the inclusion of trans women as it allows for a more in-depth understanding of the harm of misogyny. The rights of minority groups should never be the source of disagreement.
By Wren Argent on 20th February 2025 - 13:06
The epistle Robin refers to attempts to make a powerful argument for excluding trans women from women’s services. I believe it fails, and explain why here: https://clareflourish.wordpress.com/2025/02/20/twenty-four-quakers-opposing-trans-rights/
By Abigail Maxwell on 20th February 2025 - 15:35
Thank you, Robin, for a thoughtful piece about the need for Quakers to discuss difficult topics within the spirit of our testimony to peace. Many groups and journals have tried, but the London Quakers TTOSBT, ‘To Thine Own Self be True’ group was the only ongoing group I found that maintained a civil discourse on the subject. The epistle is well worth reading, though not the last word. We have held a couple of discussion groups at our meeting, in the same spirit, with the help of TTOSBT members, and they might be able to facilitate similar groups in other meetings.
Anne Wade, .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)
By Anne & Rob Wade on 20th February 2025 - 17:05
Great to see the London Quakers’ ‘To Thine Own Self be True’ (TTOSBT) Epistle getting a positive mention in The Friend. I was invited to take part at the end of the process and I agree with Anne Wade that the group maintained a civil discourse on the subject. I believe Abigail Maxwell (Clare Flourish) took part at the start of the process and it would be interesting to know why they did not see it through to the end.
The link by Maxwell to their blog, twenty-four-quakers-opposing-trans-rights, allows me to make a comment here that, based on my past experience, would be deleted if I posted it there.
In their opening paragraph, Maxwell criticises the TTOSBT Epistle for saying, “para 6, that non-binary people are not recognised in law” and quotes Rose Taylor v Jaguar Landrover as proof of the Epistle’s error. This is nonsense on several levels. Firstly, the Equality Act 2010 recognises nine protected characteristics and the characteristic of being non-binary is not one of them. Secondly, I searched the case report for the term ‘non-binary’ and it was not there: the case was about gender reassignment, which is a protected characteristic. Thirdly, as Maxwell admits, thereby contradicting their own argument, the case was a low-level Employment Tribunal (ET) case and the ET does not have the power to make law.
I have laboured this point to illustrate how badly informed Maxwell / Clare Flourish is. The rest of the blog is little better but I don’t have time to go through it in detail.
By Robbie Spence on 20th February 2025 - 20:40
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