Affirming young children

Jean Jenn and Leonora Davies report on the lessons gained from a workshop that celebrated children and families in Quaker Meetings

How do we affirm the value of our young children and parents in Local Meetings? The children and young People’s advocates at Finchley Meeting booked a Quaker Life workshop in order to address this question. It was held at Finchley Meeting House on 11 March and proved extremely productive. The workshop raised many issues that will be of relevance and interest to Friends, and food for thought at Yearly Meeting Gathering, where very young Friends will be present.

Eight of the adults who attended the workshop were parents with their babies and young ones. There were nine children. We welcomed two Friends from other Area Meetings. We felt it was important in a workshop of this kind to invite parents to bring their children and made provision for this. The room was arranged with a circle of chairs for adults and children, and soft mats for the babies to lie on. Alongside this there was a play area with a tunnel and playhouse tent, jigsaws, books and plenty of other toys. Everyone was free to move from one area to another throughout the day.

Sophie Smith and Elsie Whittington of the Quaker Life Network’’s children and young people’s (CYP) work cluster led the workshop very skillfully. They showed how we might develop the spiritual awareness in children in a number of ways. For instance, a five-minute worship with each child being given a daffodil.

Having prompted the children to observe, we sat together in a gathered silence. A walk in the garden enabled us to observe and share our joy of the sunshine, flowers and birdsong. Next, a time of shared singing, with the young ones encouraged to choose the songs, the babies to clap, and with a shared time of reflection to end the session.

We all enjoyed a lunch together before some parents and youngsters went home to nap. Others were able to stay for the afternoon session. Key points from the day were gathered from the many written notes made, in addition to comments shared.

Friends stressed the importance of valuing children as full members of our Quaker Meetings with the same right to be at Meeting for Worship as anyone else. It is the responsibility of the whole Meeting to consider how to nurture their families. It is not just the responsibility of the CYP committee or the family. Children are not just our future; they are important now.

Growing meaningful relationships between the children, our young people and the adults in the Meeting is to be encouraged. Welcoming, sharing, listening and learning about each other should be a two-way process of communication. Children learn from observation; our conduct and the expression of our Quaker values give example, encouragement and inspiration to our young people.

Shared experiences

Parents expressed concerns that the ‘noises’ from their babies might be found distracting and disturbing to some in the Meeting. However, we are challenged to accept different ways of worship; a baby’s babbling can be their spoken ministry. We need to celebrate and uphold the safe space they are in; a toddler’s moving about to greet Friends in the stillness affirms their sense of belonging.

We agreed to encourage Friends ‘not confident with young children’ to be an invited guest helper alongside ‘anchors’ checked by the Disclosure and Barring Service (DBS). This will provide an enjoyable way of getting to know one another, and to observe how young children share and learn from a worshipful experience.

Those from Meetings taking the children’s class were encouraged by the sharing of ideas and hearing what others do. Those Friends from Meetings with no families at present were encouraged to plan and prepare for the arrival of babies and children.

Parents affirmed the support available from visiting other Local Meetings when there are planned classes for young children and encouraged all Friends to be aware of these. (In our Meeting, Elize and Ryoma have pioneered the way.)

Parents said they would value more inclusive social events. Sharing a lunch together is very enjoyable! People might trial a Meeting For Worship in each other’s homes to include their babies and young children, together with supportive Friends.

Questions arising from the discussions were:

 
• Do we ask what our Children’s Meeting has been reflecting on?
 
• Do we recognise and celebrate the births in our Meetings and offer practical support to new parents, and perhaps the older children?
 
• Do we offer spiritual care of parents at a time in those early years when getting to Meeting can be a struggle? Perhaps a short Meeting for Worship in their homes would be appreciated.
 
• Should we encourage Area Meetings to experiment with more all-age Meetings for Worship?
 
• Could we develop the idea of a Quaker Family Week with outreach to our others who use our Meeting houses, local families and so on, and with an ‘inreach’ programme of activities that all could take part in?

Each Local Meeting was asked to plan outcomes from the event. The Area Meeting is being asked what outcomes we can support. Before we went home, a final question was raised: Does Area Meeting consider the expenses of this workshop to be a legitimate claim on the inreach/outreach funds?

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