'Aside from the practical, what about the joy that an all-age community brings?' Photo: Jelleke Vanooteghem via Unsplash.
A whole community of Friends
Rebecca Fricker describes the benefits of an all-age Meeting for Worship
Lying in bed at Woodbrooke on a Sunday morning, I was reading With a tender hand by Zélie Gross in preparation for a new role, when the start of chapter ten, ‘All age community’, made me yelp:
The care of younger Friends and their families is a whole Meeting concern. This chapter concentrates on the role of eldership and oversight in promoting the growth and health of communities in which people of all ages share in the life of their Meeting.
The reason for my yelp? I was at yet another conference in the company of those involved in Quaker youth work and hearing how some parents and carers are being expected to run their own Children’s Meeting (even when they are new to the Religious Society of Friends). Once again, I was hearing of Meetings making it clear families are not welcome, and places with only monthly Children’s Meetings, despite an obvious need for a more regular one (as the families go to other places of worship on other Sundays). As one facilitator said to me: ‘We would not switch the hearing loop on once a month, or put the wheelchair ramp down fortnightly.’
I want to take this opportunity to ask everyone, but especially elders and overseers, to read a personal account of how one Meeting’s willingness to run a Children’s Meeting whenever a child was able to come has created a true all-age community, to the benefit of not only the Local Meeting (LM) but also the Area Meeting (AM).
My husband and I started attending Meeting for Worship (MfW) when our son was a toddler. We were made to feel so welcome and a Children’s Meeting for Worship was provided whenever we attended. As one of the Friends running it said: ‘I feel the Children’s Meeting is a very important part of MfW. Children play an important part in the Meeting. It’s the same as the warm welcoming feeling I get when going to Meeting.’
Service
Some Sundays we help to run the Children’s Meeting, but certainly the initial expectations were for us to be experiencing worship. By giving us that time and space, our Meeting enabled us to test our faith and leadings – and, eventually, apply for membership.
To date, the service we have given in return includes: newsletter editor, website developer for LM and AM, outreach organisers, librarian, gardeners, treasurers, clerks, AM nominations convenor, AM residential committee members, Children and Young People (CYP) convenor, London Link Committee members and soon-to-be joint elder and overseer.
While it would be unrealistic to expect every parent and carer to do the same, if they are not enabled to participate fully in the life of a Meeting, you will never know what they have to offer in return. Friends, there are only so many recently retired people looking to explore faith – and with time to spare – who are going to be knocking on your doors. So, to quote Quaker faith & practice 12.08: ‘We have to take what we can get.’
Aside from the practical, what about the joy that an all-age community brings? Our Meeting has helped a boy grow from a toddler, for whom it was all about the biscuits he could scoff, to a child who could be trusted to take around and share the biscuits; to a pre-teen who is now willing to wash up post-biscuit consumption. But it is not just about the biscuits – he will happily spend several hours gardening, making materials for outreach, chatting to all and sundry at gatherings, as well as helping build bonfires for AM, and participating enthusiastically in regional and national events. A whole Quaker community is helping to raise a child.
As another Friend put it: ‘At my previous Meeting, I once described Friends as “adopted relatives”. They showed interest and caring concern in the lives of my children. Parents and children both benefitted.’
Start simple
Running a Children’s Meeting for Worship does not have to be elaborate. Start simple – a story, squash and fun with simple stationery easily takes up forty-five minutes, with children capable of spending fifteen minutes in all-age worship (either at the start or the end – whatever works best for your Meeting). If you want to live more adventurously, the Children and Young People’s team at Friends House have an abundance of ideas and support.
As a Friend who works with children put it: ‘Our central structure provides lots of resources – people, pamphlets and plans. Running or assisting at a Children’s Meeting is a service to your Local Meeting. With your DBS [Disclosure and Barring Service] check completed, and without travelling anywhere else, you can expand the lives of others. Be patterns, be examples. What better crucible for a child or young person to learn about differing ways outside the family? What better way to demonstrate how listening to others and offering service builds a strong, lively and responsive community?’
Inclusive and creative
I appreciate that some Meetings might feel too low in numbers or too elderly in nature, but in my experience children enjoy – and need – to spend time with people of all ages. There are many inclusive and creative activities open to all, which can deepen the life of the Meeting. Perhaps resources across an Area Meeting can be pooled to ensure the necessary numbers are where they are needed? What can we all do to help support children in their Area Meeting?
At a time of aging and falling membership, no Meeting can afford to put barriers in the way of anyone wishing to attend. Imagine the Religious Society of Friends without the contribution that Young Friends make both to our community and wider society. Imagine not having their peace witness, social activism, or the events they organise for younger Quakers, even through to delivering the Swarthmore Lecture.
If we truly want to build a diverse community and live our commitment to equality, Children’s Meeting for Worship needs to be given the same upholding as Adult Meeting for Worship.
I will leave the last words to an Epping Friend: ‘I know we miss one another when someone is not there, but no children at all? It just wouldn’t be a Quaker Meeting for me.’
