'With my own ears in the Meeting for Business I heard a dominant Friend being thanked for what Una Landers had clearly suggested.' Photo: by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash
A quiet word: Charles Stevenson has a little help from a Friend
‘Whoever we might be, none of us is blameless.’
When I was new in membership of the Society of Friends, and becoming more involved, my dear mentor, Ethela Goodhardt, took me aside to a coffee lounge. She spoke gently to me. She didn’t accuse me, but I knew my rash enthusiasm was being cautioned.
‘The dynamics of a Meeting are crucial,’ she explained. ‘Let’s face the unpalatable: there are those in a Meeting who want to dominate no matter what. To make it more subtle, it is usually a Friend who has worked admirably for our Society, and who may not realise his or her fault.’ Ethela looked up with a wicked grin, ‘Friend, be careful not to step on toes.’
After a sip of her coffee Ethela continued, ‘Both the newcomer as well as the long-time Friend can easily feel excluded.’ She told me of her own first-time experience: ‘Around the morning tea table on the rise of Meeting Friends were cheerfully greeting one another, unaware that they were blocking me, the shy newcomer, from my tea.’
As we finished our coffee Ethela returned to her subject, looking me directly in the eye. ‘Cliques form,’ she began. ‘This is a very natural and healthy outcome of meeting together; but not if it should unwittingly exclude.’
Ethela leant closer, and in a confiding tone said: ‘Una Landers. Now she is not a leading Friend by any means but she is a faithful one. It was dear Una who brought me meals when I broke my arm. Her forté is preparing the after-Meeting tea and coffee.’ ‘But’, she added, after a pause, ‘this is a veiled phenomenon that I have observed about human nature. With my own ears in the Meeting for Business I heard a dominant Friend being thanked for what Una Landers had clearly suggested. But, as she was inconsequential – Una “was not seen or heard” – her suggestion was taken up as being the wisdom of the dominant Friend.’ Ethela paused, and continued in that charming voice, ‘Of course, we are talking about very fine people, not just anyone; but do remember always, though, that whoever we might be, none of us is blameless!’
She grabbed her umbrella, for it was a wet afternoon, and quoted ‘“Who is aware of his unwitting sins? Cleanse me of any secret fault.” That is an outstanding commentary on human nature, from the very ancient past, still as relevant to day’. ‘Psalm 19’, she said, ‘New English Bible.’
Then she grabbed my arm. ‘You are going to be a great asset to our Meeting.’ A faraway look clouded her eyes. ‘I do like that description in the same Psalm about the bridegroom – strong and radiant, young and cheerful… you need to be like that. Good afternoon, Friend.’ She left abruptly, a bit self-conscious after what she had said.
I went home gratified that Ethela Goodhardt had found me worthy of such confidences. I had a new perspective with which to measure the state of our Meeting and with which to examine my own soul.
Comments
Mmm!
By doreen.osborne@outlook.com on 31st March 2022 - 10:17
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