'Sifting, listening, openness, space, resting and trust all help me to use discernment in my everyday life.' Photo: Brett Jordan / Unsplash.
‘A discerned decision doesn’t necessarily come immediately.’
Putting in a good word: Megan Corrigan on discernment
Recently our Meeting held an away weekend, the theme of which was ‘A guided life’. I was asked to share my thoughts on discernment and personal decision-making. Outside of Quaker Business Meetings I hadn’t really thought a lot about the discernment process. But when I stopped and considered it I realised that, as part of living the Quaker way, I was using the Quaker approach to decision-making in my daily life – not always successfully but the intent was there.
Reflecting further, various words came to mind and I decided to share these words with the gathering and explain how they work for me.
The first word is ‘sifting’ – this is like shaking all the ingredients through a sieve and seeing what falls out and what is left. It involves communicating with those involved in the decision and with God. Leading on from this, the second word is ‘listening’ – probably the most difficult but a very important part of the process that involves listening to each person and listening to God, or that of God in yourself and others.
The listening process prompted the next word, ‘openness’ – being open to the possibility that my initial decision or thoughts may have been reactive (possibly through fear or preconceptions). Then realising my thoughts on an issue may need to shift and that different alternatives may arise that hadn’t been thought of. This led to me to thinking about ‘space’ – creating space for the process to happen, to think inventively and hear what is being said. With our busy lives and often needing to make decisions quickly, finding space can be one of the most challenging parts of the process.
A discerned decision doesn’t necessarily come immediately and so my penultimate word is ‘resting’ – after preparing this I found a QuakerSpeak video on discernment that also uses this word and describes it as time ‘to let the answer rise up’. For me this is the part that follows (sometimes heated) conversations and information-gathering, when I recognise I need to think, and to take some time – and it’s letting everything settle. Hopefully a way forward or a decision emerges, which might be quite different from what I expected but I get a sense (though not always, I may add) that this is the right way. Sometimes this comes a while later – a realisation a few days or a week down the line that, yes, that was the right decision.
Finally, the word that seemed to be at the heart of the process is ‘trust’ – it is about trust. Trust in those involved and trust in God.
Sifting, listening, openness, space, resting and trust all help me to use discernment in my everyday life. As our family grows, and the children have got older, there seem to be complex decisions to make on a regular basis and the discernment process has helped guide us as we navigate our way forward.
