Passing over
Nick Wilde and Alison Leonard write about facing the end of life
At Yearly Meeting Gathering last summer a special meeting was held at which the Quaker Concern Around Dying and Death (QDD) passed its work over to Quaker Life. Quaker Life Central Committee has agreed to set up a Quaker Life Network ‘cluster’ on the theme of facing the end of life as a flexible way to continue the decade-long work of QDD.
QDD originated in an article by Nancy Mottram, published in the Friend early in 2008, describing the unhappy dying of a Friend in her Meeting. Alison Leonard responded, suggesting that just as a group of Friends met sixty years ago to discuss sexuality and eventually published Towards a Quaker View of Sex, a group might now meet and come up with ‘Towards A Quaker View of Dying’.
More than forty Friends responded to Alison’s letter, and the list later grew to more than 100. A correspondence between members developed into an email group, and a year later a ‘threshing gathering’ was held at Woodbrooke, the Quaker study centre in Birmingham.
A minute describes the spirit and the purpose that emerged: ‘Exploration is the key to our method. The process and duration of dying has changed with the advance of medical science, and the length and quality of care in terminal illness and extreme old age varies greatly. So, how can we make a place for mourning in our lives, or sustain a long period of caring within a family? How can we best work alongside health professionals, learn how to communicate well with those who are dying, and face the legal and moral issues which underlie our choices at the end of life? What about “the will of God” in those choices? We must think ahead to our own death and prepare for it, practically and spiritually.’
This spirit and purpose persisted throughout the life of QDD. The group has run courses at Woodbrooke on creating support for end of life and bereavement, and held gatherings for members on all the themes outlined above. QDD members have helped Local and Area Meetings to enable Friends to face their own death. They have written articles in many publications, and contributed to Leeds Area Meeting’s book, Assisted Dying: A Quaker Exploration, which looked broadly and compassionately at the issue of assisted dying.
The notion of writing our own book was dropped and replaced by a network of loving friendships, deep sharing and wide enabling. In between activities, momentum has been sustained through the e-group, and that group will continue beyond the organisational shift to Quaker Life.
Since QDD was founded death has increasingly become a subject that British society can talk about. The first Death Cafe was held in 2011 and, although not Quaker-inspired, many Friends have been involved with or started one in their locality. Members of the QDD Steering Group have, over time, discussed the issues around facing death with other Quaker bodies, notably Quaker Life Central Committee, and encouraged the topic to ‘go mainstream’ in the Quaker world. Quaker Life has produced two leaflets, Love and loss and A Quaker funeral, and is developing a listening project.
The Quaker Committee for Christian and Interfaith Relations held a conference earlier this year on spirituality and the end of life, and Quaker Quest has published Twelve Quakers and Death. Initiatives in Local Meetings have included discussion groups, volunteering at a hospice, and enabling Friends to fill out the four relevant forms: a Will, a Lasting Power of Attorney, an Advance Decision, and a Funeral Wishes form. Several Friends say they’ve been able to speak the words ‘my death’ out loud for the first time.
During QDD’s journey several of its active members have died. We think especially of Christopher Spragg, who invigorated everyone with his openness and sense of humour, and Maureen Miller and Jill Kenner, whose readiness to embrace their oncoming death was inspirational. The death of Jon Underwood (who founded Death Cafes) at the age of forty-four was a shocking reminder of how fragile our lives are.
It was this awareness of the temporary nature of all our lives that prompted us in QDD to pass our role on to Quaker Life, knowing that future support for Friends who want to face issues around death and dying would be safe in their hands.
Further information: oliverw@quaker.org.uk
